That Which Never Was (part 2)

(Sorry for the change in voice, this will be easier to write in first person rather than third.)

"Danny. I will show you what could have happened, but you mustn't dwell on this. And do not linger on the thought that what you feel is still possible. That is a different matter altogether, and I will not grant that wish..."

Immediately I was intrigued. What would God show me? What did that last part mean? Would I want God to change things so that I could be with Sarah? Even as I asked myself that question I knew that's what I wanted.

The darkness of sleep lightened and I saw my high school hallways. I looked around and noticed my friends and all the other students from my time there. I then noticed a man wearing a brown jacket standing against the far wall, I walked up to him and asked, "Who are you?"

"I am your guide," he replied. "I will show you that which never was, but could have been. There are three possible outcomes from your situation with Sarah. In each scenario, you have already broken up with Liz and are moving forward." He motioned toward Sarah and my younger self talking in the hallway. "One more thing," my guide said, "do not attempt to speak with them. This is purely a eyes and ears only dream."

After he finished talking, the conversation young-me was having with Sarah hit my ears. I was telling her about me breaking up with Liz, and she was telling me how sorry she was that it happened. After that conversation ended, everything fast forwarded to the day when I asked Sarah to the prom. It started the same as when I actually asked her, but it didn't end the same way. "Sarah," young-me said after the conversation started deviating from the original path, "I know what your blogs mean. I know who they are about, for the most part, and I want you to know that I feel the same way. I like you, Sarah. Will you go to the prom with me?"

The answering smile young-me got was enough to make older-me giddy. I always liked her smile and loved to see it. Even now, it was enough to make my head spin. The picture fast forwarded to another moment. This time, it was after prom and I was telling Sarah goodnight. My gut actually tensed in the dream as I realized that young-me was wrestling with the idea of kissing her, but my younger self didn't. Confused, I looked at my guide and asked, "Why didn't I kiss her? I remember the only reason why I didn't kiss her before was because of Liz, but that problem is gone, now."

My guide smiled at me and said, "You are graduating soon. Leaving her to go back to Texas. You decided that it wouldn't work out, so why get hurt over it? Unfortunately, she wanted you to kiss her. She was hoping you would. When you didn't, she thought it was because you didn't like her anymore and your friendship suffered because of it. You never became the close friends that you are now, and she slipped out of your life completely."

I got angry then, how could I lose her friendship?! I cherished that above everything else! I turned to shout at my guide when he said, "Now, let's see what would have happened if you kissed her."

Immediately, the scene rewound and young-me stood at the point of decision once more. This time, however, young-me bent down, wrapped his arms around her waist gently and kissed her lips. In that moment, the deepest feeling of envy and jealousy washed over me. I was envious of my younger self because he kissed Sarah, and I didn't. I would never know what that felt like, while he would. Young-me and Sarah pulled back from each other and smiled. The picture froze. I looked at my guide who said, "Now, we will see what happens."

The picture fast forwarded to a point in college. I still went off to another state for school, but this time, my long distance relationship was with Sarah and not Liz. Young-me's face was scrunched up in pain and tears were flowing down my cheeks. The words of the conversation he was having on the phone with Sarah filled my ears: "I'm sorry, Danny," Sarah was crying too and it was enough to make me tear up. "I can't keep going like this. It is too hard and I don't ever get to see you. I do love you, but I can't do this." The audio faded back out and I was left standing there watching young-me's heart shatter.

I looked up at my guide with tear-filled eyes and asked, "What happens next?"

He looked back and replied, "You lose contact. Yeah, you talk every now and then, but you fall into the ex-lover stage and can never get back the friendship you had."

I looked back at the still picture of young-me broken and in pain. I had lost her friendship again. This time, I wasn't angry. I was too heart-broken for young-me to be angry. I asked, without taking my eyes off of young-me, "You said there were three possible outcomes?"

"Yes," my guide replied. "Come, I will show you the last one, but I'm warning you now. This will be the hardest one to see."

My heart sank even lower. How much worse could it get? I've already lost her twice. Dread filled my mind as the picture rewound and young-me was once again asking Sarah to the prom...