Fellowship and Submission

There are two things that I cannot stand or fathom within the church it is discord within the fellowship and not following the shepherd that God put over the church body. This has reared its head at me before, and it irked me then.

There is a fellowship that God has placed in His church that cannot and MUST not be broken. The writer of Hebrews says "Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." (Heb 12:14-15).

Can you sense what the writer is saying? We are to desire PEACE not discord. In Ephesians, Paul writes: "Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:17-21)

That is true fellowship! We submit to each other! We do not think of ourselves and what we want first, but others. We give up our desires in order to put others first. That is what fellowship looks like. Paul writes in the next chapter of Ephesians Paul, while discussing the Armor of God, writes that our struggle "is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Eph. 6:12)

So, now, we see that we are not to fight against each other, but we are to take a stand against the forces of evil that come against us. One of those is discord, enmity, and a "root of bitterness." I don't understand why we Christians must fight and backbite each other! It drives me crazy!

But, what is even worse is when we do not follow the leaders God has placed in our lives! God leads men and women into leadership positions for a reason. Their job is to listen to God and lead HIS sheep in the way He wants them to go. We are to submit to their leadership because God has put them in leadership over us. If we rebel against our pastor, we are in direct rebellion against God! Have you ever thought about it in those terms?

If we live in rebellion, than that is on our heads. If we, however, live in submission to the leadership that God has placed over us, and the leader does not lead us in the way God desires for us to go, that is on the leader. He or she will have to answer heavily for leading the flock of God the wrong way. So, in essence, the only thing that keeps us from following God's desire for us is ourselves! It's our lack of faith and our own selfish desires that keep us from submitting to God's appointed leadership.

The Perfect Relationship

Do you want to know when you have the "perfect" relationship? (I use "perfect" carefully, for, as fallen humans, we will not know perfection apart from the person of Christ until Heaven.) As I told a couple of my students tonight, our relationship with God is shown beautifully in a married couple who has Christ at the center of their relationship. They, in their dating relationship, asked me, "What do we do if we are fighting about who gives?" They sited their first dating (and other subsequent dates) where the conversation went something like:

Boy: "Where do you want to eat, tonight?"
Girl: "I don't care. Wherever you want to eat?"
Boy: "No, I'm taking you out, you choose."
Girl: "I don't care."
Boy: "What about Wings N More?"
Girl: "No...not there."
Boy: "What about Red Lobster."
Girl: "Wherever is fine with me."

That pattern proceeded for many more restaraunts, until he finally just went to Wings N More since she wouldn't decide. She told me it was because she wanted him to be able to get something he wanted, whereas he wanted to serve her. In essence, they were both trying to give, but neither was willing to take.

You have probably heard that a relationship is "give-and-take." Well, that's true, but I think it is better stated as a giving cycle. Part of giving in a relationship is taking. You must be humble enough to take at times.

Guys, treat your girlfriend/fiance/wife as a princess.

Girls, do not act like a princess.

Contradictory? Not at all. A man is to serve his wife (ergo girlfriend and fiance prior to marriage), but as a wife, a woman should not play the part of princess and ask him to do every little thing for her. What do I mean? Let's take the above mentioned high school couple for example again.

He said to me while talking about serving, "I serve her. I take her tray sometimes at lunch.
She counters, "But not when I ask you to take it."
He responds, "That's because you ask me in front of my friends, and they tell me I'm whipped."

Obviously, that isn't the only way he serves her, but it worked well for a teaching moment. I told him that she shouldn't have to ask, he should just do it out of love and service to her, but at the same time, she has to realize that it is out of love and service he takes her tray. It is not an opening for her to get him to do whatever she wants. I gave them an illustration, "If she called you at 3 in the morning and asked you to get her some Taco Bell or tylenol or something and you are asleep..."

He interrupted me and said, "I would get it for her."

I said, "I know, but she shouldn't ask you to if she is in her house, which has a medicine cabinent, and parents there also, at 3 in the morning. It's not a question of you serving or giving to her, its a question of her playing the part of a princess."

Hopefully, something clicked with you, as well as them. This leads to the giving cycle. It is out of love that he gives, so because he gives to her, she, in turn, gives back to him in some way out of love. That is what biblical submission looks like.

These are the first two aspects of the "perfect" relationship. Humility (the other person is first, but when they try to give to me, I have to take) and the giving cycle (out of love he gives. In turn, she gives back out of love).

The final aspect is intimacy. Intimacy is not a sexual term. It is a term that is grossly misrepresented. Initmacy is opening your life to someone else, showing that person all your faults and past failures and wanting to know everything, even the ugly, about that person, too.

This leads to a committed, settled, passionate relationship. Committed in that when you reach the point of marriage, you say "I am joining myself to this person, no matter what." Settled in that you say "I am making my home here, where I'm supposed to be with this person." This is completely different than settling, which is "I can't quite make to that point, so I'll just stop here and be ok." Passionate says "Here I am, all of me, to serve you. You are so much more important than I am."

If you are having questions about how this can be the perfect relationship, let's look at God's relationship with man. Humility? He came here, from His throne, as a man, to serve us and take all the sin and shame of forever past, present, and future upon Himself for us. Giving cycle? He gave Himself to us, not to mention life in general, just because He wanted us to have it. When we give back out of love, He gives even more! Intimacy? He has opened Himself up to us in His Word for us to get to know Him. He wants to know us, too. Completely. He already does, but He wants us to open up to Him in the same way He opened Himself up to us. He wants us to reveal EVERYTHING to Him.

That kind of love can only lead to a committed, settled, passionate relationship with Him, where we say, "God, here I am. All of me. I'm ready to serve you. I am making my home here, with you, no matter what happens."

See? It's the recipe for the perfect relationship. And no, it's not just for the husband-wife relationship. This recipe works for every friend you have. Obviously, I'm not saying marry everyone, but you can have a committed, settled, passionate relationship with anyone. You simply say, "I am your friend, no matter what. This is where I'm supposed to be, so here I am, ready to serve you."

That is love. Pure, simple, unconditional, agape love.

"All, Like sheep, have gone astray..."

How many times have you heard something similar to that? How many times have you been told something like, "Don't be a dumb sheep that follows every one else."?

I recently (as in 5 minutes ago) came across a blog that told us, as Christians, to avoid a sheep's mentality. My question is, how can we do that? How can we allow ourselves to devoid our lives of something that Christ said? Yes. Jesus Christ called us all sheep.

In John 10:10-16 Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd."

I understand what the writer of that blog was trying to say. He wants us to use the wisdom of God to discern who we should listen to. However, we should not abandon the "sheep mentality." I'm not speaking of being unintelligent. I am simply re-stating what Christ says. Farther down in chapter 10, Jesus says "My sheep hear my voice and I know them, and they follow me."

Here is a little tidbit about sheep, THEY KNOW THEIR MASTER'S VOICE!!! If a sheep listens and hears the voice of his master, he will run to him, if it is not his master, he will run away. This attribute is ESSENTIAL to the Christian life! We listen for the Master's voice and when we hear it, we respond.

It is up to YOU to know the Master's voice. The only way to know it is by spending time in His Word and soaking Him up. If you do not do this, then you will be led astray by the wrong master until the voice of your true Master calls you clearly. So, by all means, keep your sheep-like mentality! It is essential in determing who is from the Master and who is not.

Another wonderful thing about sheep is their complete and total faith, dependence, and trust in their master. That is exactly what God desires of us. Read the above section of John 10 again and tell me that isn't what God desires. Remember Psalm 23? "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul." Life is good as a sheep when Christ is your Master!

Look at David. As a shepherd, he killed a lion and a bear to protect his flock! The very shepherd's hook is an example of Christ!! With it, the shepherd drives away the enemy that comes, he pulls the sheep up out of danger, and helps the sheep up a climb they cannot make alone. I could go on and on. No, friends, we cannot and must not lose our sheep like mentality. Some may calls us dumb or ignorant, but that isn't it at all. We are trusting in our Master to guide us correctly.

We also have under-shepherds. These are our pastors and church leaders. It is their job to lead us, physically, to the place where the Good Shepherd wants us. If the under-shepherd fails the flock, it is not on the flock. No, it is on the under-shepherd. It is our job to know the Master's voice and call. That is how we know who is from the Good Shepherd and who is from the Butcher.

Love or IN Love?

How many times have you been told to love God? My guess will is hundreds. How many times have you been told that you need to be IN love WITH God? My guess: no where near enough.

That doesn't make it any less true! Yes, the Father is our Abba (daddy). Yes, Jesus is our Savior. Yes, the Holy Spirit is our Comforter. But, Jesus is also our husband. Now, fellas, don't freak out here. We, the Church, are called the Bride of Christ, which indicates marriage. Therefore, Christ is our husband. This means we are to not only love Him, but we are to be IN love WITH Him!

Now, let me ask an even weirder question. Are you IN love WITH your parents? Have I taken it too far for you? Honestly, I hope so. What does it me to be in love with someone? It means, I think, to love them unconditionally, no matter what they do, just because of who they are. It is intimate and intense. Now, let me ask you again, are you IN love WITH your parents? Well, King David sure sounds like he was. Check this:

"O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me." --Psalm 131:1-2

Here, David equates himself to a weaned child with his mother, which shows God's motherly, nurturing characteristics. There are several things to glean from this. One, David does not think highly of himself. He has a heart of humility. Two, he understands that God is responsible for feeding him until he was weaned and could feed himself. And, three, he outlines a loving relationship with God.

We are to humble ourselves before God because HE is responsible for our initial feeding until we can feed ourselves. Afterward, we respond by quieting ourselves. Because of the mother's caring and love for her child, the child responds by loving her just for who she is. The child is IN love WITH her! That is our appropriate response to God!

We aren't to love out of some guilt trip or some over-bearing sense of obligation. We can never earn God's love, so why do we try? We can never prove our love to God, because if we base it upon us proving we love Him, the first time we choose something over Him, and not prove our love, then we fail. He loves us for who we are. No matter who the child is or what he/she has done, his/her parents still love him/her. (If that isn't true of your parents, first, ask them about it, and second, get a hold me somehow and I'll describe to you how God loves and His design for the parent-child relationship.)

Why do we base our response on anything other than how God loves? Is it because we KNOW we don't deserve love from the Creator? That should be even MORE reason to love God for who He is! It is all dependent upon who He is. I encourage you to fall IN love WITH God. Love Him for who He is and for no other reason! I promise, the rest of the Christian life will be easier, because the only thing that counts is "faith working through love" (Galatians 5:6).

Gifts and Passions

Once upon a time, I asked a bunch of students "How do you know what God wants you to do with your life?" It was a question I had asked myself MANY times over the months prior. I explained to them that God uses many things to show them and call them. One of which is passion. What are you passionate for?

Another was talents. What talents has God given you?

The last was gifts. How has God gifted you?

It was easy for me to discuss this, seeing as I had already finished my undergrad and was doing what God called me to do, however, I remember those unsure times in my life prior to college, and even sometimes in college. I know that God has gifted me with the ability to explain. I like to use large words in conversation, not to make me look smart, but because I have the word in my vocabulary. However, when teaching, that makes it difficult, because the students don't always know what the word means, therefore I have to explain it.

I am a teacher at heart. I long to teach people, to pass on knowledge that I have gained, whatever the subject matter or task, and I love to teach Scripture above everything else. It is one of my greatest passions.

I also love to write. One of my dreams, which has never been spoken before now, is to publish a novel or short story. Why? I have no clue, it is just something I have wanted to do for a long time. Writing and teaching Scripture have been the two most constant things I've wanted to do. I know God has called me to youth ministry, and I couldn't be happier doing it, but I still have this burning desire to write. So, I do. Mostly short stories and most longer stories never get finished. I have about 5 or 6 ideas written down that I could work on, but I haven't finished one yet.

I know this is quite random, and if you have stayed this long you are probably thinking, "Who cares!?" Well, I say this because God has shown me what I am to do, and as I said, I enjoy teaching, so my question to you is, what is that God is calling you to do? Let your talents and passions be a guide, but weigh those against your gifts, because it is in your giftedness that God uses you most.

Worship.

I want your opinions, but please be civil. What I will say is simply some things that have been billowing up in me for a few years, and I have just now found the proper words to express what I am feeling.

Today, I discuss music; "worship" music, actually. While at camp this last week, I figured out what it is about our corporate worship songs that bother me. We put them all under "praise and worship" or "hymns," correct? However, I propose that there is a third genre of our corporate worship songs: songs of prayer.

Here is why I say this: praise and worship songs are the term we have placed on the newer songs, however, what is praise? And what is worship? Praise is giving glory to God for the things in our lives. Worship is us telling God how worthy He is to recieve our praise. Hymns are the songs in the blue (sometimes red or black or green)books in the back of the pews that most people tend to ignore, nowadays. A hymn, though, is a song that gives praise and glory to God for what He has done.

You are probably thinking: "I know all this. What is your point?"

My point is this: what do we do with songs like "Amazing Love" that focuses mostly on what we are doing? I'm not saying that we should not sing it, quite the opposite. I just think that songs that focus on our response should be put under the "prayer songs" genre. When I think worship songs, my thoughts jump to songs like "Cannons" by Phil Wickham and "Glory to God" by Fee.

I know this may just be a discussion of semantics, but it's something that I've thought about a lot. What do you guys think?

Ryan's Song

Tears come and go, but memories stay.
Fears ebb and flow, but grace remains.
Love wins. It conquered death and hell.
Death fails. All it did was make you well.

So rest now. Your fight is over.
Rejoice now. Your pain is gone.
We will miss you. A thousand times over.
But rest now. You're finally at home.

Breathe deep. Let the air fill your lungs.
Run fast. Your legs will never tire.
Ride far. As far as you want to.
And sing loud, so all the angels hear you.

And rest now. Your fight is over.
Rejoice now. Your pain is gone.
We will miss you. A million times over.
But rest now. You're finally at home.

I know we'll see you soon.
Life's but a fleeting glance.
In your heavenly afternoon,
We'll gather round and dance.

But rest now! Your fight is over.
Rejoice now! Your pain is gone.
We will miss you. A billion times over.
But rest now. You're finally at home.

Rain, rain, go away?

Being in Texas, I get weird looks when I say that I like rain. In fact, I love it. My few years spent in Washington convinced me that rain was one of the most beautiful things about this world. As I write this, I feel a fight going inside of me. A fight between being comfortable and being intense. A song is reverberating through my computer's speakers as I play it over and over, but there are two that are reverberating through my head. Both of these deal with rain and the beauty of it. The first, the one running through my head only, is "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe. If you have never heard the song, or really want to hear it again, click here.

In this song, rain is seen as something that is depressing and a thing to endure, but in the other song, it is the opposite. It is seen as an agent of cleansing. This other song is "Sidewalk Chalk" by Jessica Andrukat. This song is a wonderful word picture that paints the soothing side of rain, but how can these two ideas coexist in one substance?

Easily. In the MercyMe song, rain is asked for so we can praise God. If it takes us going through something difficult to love God more, than that is what we need. At the same time, this rain is cleansing us. "Like sidewalk chalk in the rain, You melt me." That isn't easy. It is something we are to endure, but it is such a beautiful picture. Literal rain, like spiritual rain, has its own duality.

Nashville recently suffered the effects of having too much rain fall on its land. It flooded and caused millions of dollars in damage. However, last summer in Texas, we had too little rain. The grass died. The lake levels fell drastically, some as far as 40 feet below normal. Water was being rationed. However, God sent rain to cleanse the land and restore it. What a beautiful picture of our lives!

If we get too much rain, we can drown in despair and hopelessness, but if we do not get enough, we can never experience the cleansing God has for us. God sends us the most we can handle without drowning. So, whenever you face a storm, literal or spiritual, don't despise the rain. Enjoy it! It is a beautiful necessity! Focus on the cleansing and restoration that comes with the rain. Then, you will be able to have joy in trials. Then, you will be able to enjoy the things God meant for you to enjoy. Then, you will be able to sing wholeheartedly, in spirit and in truth, "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty."

Loving Father, send me the rain I need to praise you. The rain I need to be cleansed and restored. The rain I need to enjoy you and your love more. Amen.

The Unforseen Kiss

It was predictable. The situation, anyways. He was on one side of the room, and she was on the other. Five seconds after walking through the door, she met his eyes and smiled. This told him everything he needed to know. She came because of him. Arrogance did not tell him this. Nor did conceit. He did not think that he was something special, he just knew that she came for him. She had purposefully sought out his face, and, when she found it, smiled with recognition. It was time.
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She found his face and smiled. It wasn't a shy, "wow, he is staring at me" smile. No, this was a smile of recognition. A smile of love. A smile of longing.

She had waited so long for him to come back. For just a trickling of his name to be uttered. For microsecond look at a non-picture. And now, here she was, 50 feet away from the person she longed for. He smiled back as he rose from the table and made his way towards her. They met halfway. She smiled, coyly this time, and said, "Hello." She didn't know what was going to happen next, but she never imagined what did happen. Instead of replying, he bent his head down too quickly for her to recognize what was happening, and kissed her lips. Shock froze her lips, but soon the shock gave way to the longing and the kiss erupted passionately.

Throughout the kiss, and for a long, speechless moment afterwards, she couldn't control her heart. It was as though it were doing backflips through her, pounding, waiting to burst free. She came her for him, but he came back for her. Everything was as it should be.
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"Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves."

The above is a true story. It has been adapted for ease of understanding and romanticized a bit. However, Christ did sit and wait for the time to come. He was sitting in the "room" waiting for "her" to come in. When she came in, the time was right. That's when heaven met earth. When Christ became man. It was so unexpected, so deliberate, and so shocking, that it took a while for the shock to wear off, but, when it did, the result was a passion that cannot be equaled by man.

This passion is the passion to live for Christ. The desire, the longing, they are there before hand, hidden deep within you. When you see Christ, clearly, for the first time, they spring forward uncontrolled. Then, it is like this "kiss" happens all over again. It's so unexpected, but so complete, that you have no choice but to kiss back.

And that's the way he loves us. Without care or thought about our past, he says "I want you." He's already shown it by dying on the cross, whereby making this relationship possible, and taking away the punishment of our sins, if only we would kiss back. And that is your decision entirely.

The Amnesiac

Debbie met Carl in late Autumn of 1998. They quickly took to one another, and spent most of their time together. It seemed that the world melted into an unintelligible blur when they were together, and the moments were glacial while apart. It truly was love, and a strong love at that. In late January of 1999, Carl proposed. Debbie, all red from excitement and astonishment, said yes, and the two were wed that July. Time went by, and the two couldn't have been more happy. Two years passed in blissful happiness, but, August of 2001 nearly wrecked their marriage...

One morning, Debbie woke up, alone in bed. Debbie busied herself by getting ready for the day. She showered, brushed her hair, and dressed. At 7:30, Debbie left for work. She pulled out of the garage and closed the door. She went about her daily routine. After work was over, she headed home. When she arrived, a car was in her drive-way. It surprised her to see a car there. She cautiously pulled into the garage and entered the house. A man was at her stove cooking dinner. She took in the man's frame and sandy hair. "Carl," she asked timidly. "What are you doing here?" Carl turned around and looked at Debbie, obviously confused.

"What are you talking about, Debbie? I live here." Debbie was taken aback. She didn't remember Carl moving into her house, and he wasn't here this morning when she woke. Debbie just stared at Carl, she didn't know what to say. "Quit kidding around, Deb, and help me make supper." Debbie slowly set out two settings on the table and chopped random vegetables without really knowing what they were. Her mind was too busy running through her memories trying to remember Carl moving in. All she knew, though, was that they had only met a handful of times. It was absurd to think that Carl actually lived here. She barely knew the man!

Dinner was finally ready, and they sat down to eat. "I'm sorry, Carl," Debbie began, "but I don't remember you moving in. All I know is that we have met maybe four times. Why do you say you live here?" Carl busted out laughing at her words, which caught Debbie off guard. "I'm being serious, Carl! This is really weird. Why do you say you live here, too?" Carl's laugh caught up short in his throat. He cleared it out, and stared at Debbie, too stunned to speak for a second. "Really, Debbie? You don't remember us getting married two years ago?"

"Two years ago! I only met you for the first time, last week! What are you talking about?" Debbie was on the verge of tears. Two years, she thought. How could we have been married for two years? And why would he even say that? Debbie was looking at her plate while she thought. She heard Carl's fork hit the plate, and the noise snapped her out of her reverie. She found Carl's face and saw the tears streaking down. She had hurt him, and hurt him deeply. Was it possible that they were married? No, it couldn't be! She met him last week. Carl scooted his chair back and stood. "Come with me," he softly commanded. Debbie rose from the chair and followed Carl into the sitting room.

Carl reached under the coffee table and pulled out a large photo album. For several hours, Carl patiently went page by page, picture by picture, describing the day and what happened and what was going on in each picture. Finally, he reached the pictures from their wedding. Carl tried to describe the day, but his emotions choked his words. He handed Debbie the album and got up from the couch and headed to the bedroom. Debbie just stared at the pictures from the wedding, confused. There was so much evidence pointing to her and Carl being married, but she couldn't remember even dating the man! How could the last three years just be erased from her memory?! She reached the last page of the pictures and a piece of paper fell out. Debbie reached down and picked it up. She unfolded it and read the words written on the page:
"Through life and death, sickness and health, riches and the lack of them, I will love you. If you should happen to wake one day and not know me, I will love you. If came between a choice of your life or mine, I will gladly give mine to show you my love. There is nothing I will not do for you, my love, my desire, my sweet Deborah."

The date on the paper was July 15, 1999, the date that her wedding was supposedly on. Tears flooded Debbie's eyes when she began to realize what was going on. She had somehow forgotten her first love. Her true love, but he didn't forget her. He even did everything in his power to show her his love once again. Debbie sat there for another hour, constantly reading and re-reading the words of Carl's vows to her.

Carl came back out and found her sitting on the couch holding the paper. He had found her engagement and wedding rings lying on the dresser, she hadn't put them on this morning. "I believe these are yours, love," Carl said, the tears thickening his voice. Debbie turned to see him, the tears flowing freely from her own eyes. "I'm so sorry, Carl," Debbie said as she took the rings from his hand. "I don't know how I could have forgotten this...forgotten you." Carl placed a finger on her lips and pulled her close to his chest. "It doesn't matter, love. What matters is that you know how much I love you. You can re-discover your love for me, because I won't ever forget you." Carl kissed his wife's lips and they sat up the rest of the night talking, and Debbie re-discovered her love for Carl.
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"There is an epidemic of spiritual amnesia going around, and none of us is immune. No matter how many fascinating details we learn about God's creation, no matter how many pictures we see of His galaxies, and no matter how many sunsets we watch, we still forget." --Francis Chan, Crazy Love

Despite the fact that Debbie forget she was married to Carl, she was still married and Carl still loved her. It is the same with the Church, Christ's Bride. Even if we forget that we are Christ's Bride, Christ still loves us and we are still His.

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow...

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures, here below. Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen."

These are the words to one of the greatest hymns ever written. Yes, it's that short, but how powerful are those words?! Quite recently, as in the last 40 hours or so, I was given one of the greatest things to rejoice over: one of my great friends received his long-overdue lung transplant! It is simply too overwhelming to write down. I am oozing with a joy that was placed in my heart by the Holy Spirit and a love that reciprocates that of my Father. This great, spectacular, monumental occasion is, without a doubt the best news I have heard, or will hear, all year.

However, I find it oddly discouraging that it takes this to bring such a swell of joy and love out of me. Don't get me wrong, this is exactly that kind of miracle. God, once again, proved His faithfulness to His children. We are told, however, in Philippians "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say; Rejoice" (Phil 4:4). That isn't a suggestion. Paul isn't saying, "Oh, it would cool if you did this." No, this is a command! Rejoice! Praise God all the time!

Again, Paul addresses this idea in Romans 5, "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope" (verses 3-4). James, likewise, tells us to "count it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds" (James 1:2). What are they saying, then?

They are saying that it is easy to praise God when the good things happen in life, i.e. a much needed lung transplant, but what about when something stressful happens in your life? Do you "count it all joy"? Do you say, "Thank you God for this time of testing"? Do you even look on that situation as a time of testing? I know I don't every time. Yet, that is our command and encouragement. That is the attitude that allowed Paul to share Christ with the "whole Praetorian guard," as he writes in Philippians (Phil 1:13). Paul shared Christ with the very guards who held him captive. That is what true rejoicing looks like. True rejoicing and praise comes when we know that it is only by God's power and will that a situation is good. Paul knew that it was only by God's power that he would be able to share Christ with the guard, and he knew that it was God's will that he be in chains so that could happen!

So, as I sit here and think through this amazing time of God's faithfulness and blessing, I am fully aware that it is God's will that Ryan receive this transplant now, and I am fully aware that it is by God's power that Ryan will recover, and I know that it is also God's will that Ryan not keep God's power quiet, but that he share it with the world.

So, the next time you are faced with a difficult test, remember to thank God and praise His name that you have been given the opportunity to grow and show God's glory.

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures, here below. Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen."

Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus, Ye Soldiers of the Cross.

"Share in suffering as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him." 2 Timothy 2:3-4

This is from Paul's last letter. He is concluding his earthly affairs and attempting to pass on just a few more pages of wisdom to his "son in the faith", Timothy. Timmy boy is now a pastor at a church he and Paul started while on their missionary journeys, and, though he is still young, Paul clearly thinks he is qualified to handle the tough stuff. The verses listed above follow Paul's heart-cry to Timothy: "What you have heard from me in the presence of many witness entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also" (2 Timothy 2:2).

Paul's desire is that this fire that he started for the cause of Jesus Christ, not be snuffed out. He over and over commands Timothy to teach and instruct and to carry out his instructions. Why does he do this? Why does he so forcefully and fervently want Timothy to do this? Because Paul understands that it is only through the teaching of the Word, that man can hear who God really is. So Paul encourages and commands Timothy to pass on what was passed on to him.

Let's look back to the original passage now. Why are we called to share in the suffering of Christ? Why must we do this? Well, to be honest, you don't have to if you don't want to. You don't have to follow Christ. You don't have to love Christ, but why wouldn't you want to? Over the last couple days I've been reading through Francis Chan's book Crazy Love, and it is extraordinary! It challenges everything I know about myself and my walk with God. It makes me ask, do I really love God the way I'm supposed to love Him? And that isn't a bad thing at all. Do you readily agree to face the discrimination you will undoubtedly face for being a soldier of Jesus? Are you willing to be cast aside and looked down upon because of your stance? I know I wasn't, probably still not when the fire is the hottest, but I pray that God will change that about me.

Have you ever tried to swim across a river with a strong current? I have. It's tiring work. You have to pick a spot you want to go for, then aim about 30 yards or so up river, and swim to that spot, just so you come out at your intended destination. Now, say that river is this life you are in. The "current" is your culture, friends, family, and anything else you hold in priority. In this situation, you are trying to swim away from a waterfall behind you to a safe spot upstream. What will happen if you pause, even for just one second? Everything will be lost! You will be swept downstream, away from your prize, which is Jesus Christ. It's impossible to do on your own! Which is why Paul continues on into verse 4.

"No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits..." What does that mean? For those of you who are from a military background, you might understand this better. Paul is saying (and this was far truer in his time than in ours) that a soldier only does what he is commanded. He doesn't worry about "buying, trading, and negotiating," as the great evangelist Junior Hill once said. Instead, a soldier "aim[s] to please the one who enlisted him." A Marine must obey his superior. This happens at every rank. If it doesn't, then the entire Marine Corp suffers.

So, for us non-military folk, that means that Jesus called us and we answered His call and were enlisted in His army. We serve Him, and our aim is to please Him. So, we are no longer in charge of ourselves, but He is in control of us. Therefore, live your life accordingly. For, which man in military history has served a commander who has died for him and won the war before he enlisted? The answer is none. Which commander has died to save his soldier's lives out love, not duty, and bought them their freedom, and provided them with everything they have ever and will ever need? The answer is one: Jesus Christ.

So, knowing that, how can we not respond with love? How can we continue to "get entangled in civilian pursuits"? How can we continue to think that just appearing at church one or two days a week be love?

God, save me from my own stupidity. Save me from my own disloyalty. God, forgive me for my lack of love and create in me a new heart full of love for You and Your creation. Help me start anew in my ruthless pursuit of You.

On the Side of the Road...

Recently, I've gotten heavy into The Classic Crime, and I am currently stuck on one song: "Salt in the Snow." It is a cry of desperation for help from God, but in it, the writer makes a great observation. He says, "Give me wings, give me peace, these are the things that I need. I'm tormented, broken and chained...and give me shelter from the storm. I know it's a lot to ask for, considering how recent I've piled the dirt on your name."

How often do we do that? How often do we do whatever we please, and then turn around and ask God to help us out when the consequences come our way? We can't have our cake and eat it too. We either live our lives the way we want and expect nothing of God, or we live for God. I know, I know...it's not that black and white. But why isn't it black and white?

Paul says in Romans 6: "Shall we continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! We died to sin! How can we who died to sin, live in it any longer?" Paul's thought is simple. Christ freed us from sin, why do we continue to subject ourselves to living in its grasp day-in and day-out?

No, I haven't forgotten what Paul says in Romans 7 about "I have this to be a law within me, when I want to good, evil lies close at hand." Paul says there, "I do not do the good things my mind tells me I should do, instead I do the evil things I know I shouldn't." How are these reconcilable? On the surface, they aren't. However, Paul isn't very "surface-friendly."

Paul says in Romans 6 that we are free from sin and its hold over our lives, so we should no longer live in the sins that control us. In chapter 7, though, he says that he has a battle going on that tests him every day. With his mind and soul, he desires to please God, but his physical body still wants things for itself. It's a thin line to walk.

Please don't take this to mean that I think I'm perfect or that we can be. That's an absolute lie. I do sin, and, unfortunately, that sin sometimes runs rampant in my life. It's at those times I need to check up and go before God and ask Him to cleanse me. It's at that time I need to cut things out of my life that aren't good for me. My goal and desire is to live my life to glorify God, which means that I cannot have anything other than Him controlling my life.

This last Wednesday night, I talked a bit about consequences. Every action has a consequence, whether good or bad. Unfortunately, the act that we perform, whatever that may be, is not a stand alone event. There are things I've done in my past that will affect me for the rest of my life, and I have to accept that. I can't go to God and say, "Hey, I didn't really know what I was doing when I did that, so, can you, maybe, stop the effects of it?" God doesn't work that way.

Instead, allows us to learn. That's part of this ability to choose what we do. We have to take the good with the bad. Take heart, though! Paul does give us a promise of God we can cling to: "We, who love God and are called by Him, know that everything that happens will work out for something positive later in our lives." Usually, that turns out to be a teaching experience, where we can pass on wisdom.

So, what does this mean? It means that we should accept the consequences of our actions and know that God loves us. He has given us a way to defeat sin in our lives.

This song, combined with a great blog on Transparency, have greatly shaped this post. So I'll leave you with a final thought:
"Is this where I am for Your sake, stuck between sleep and awake? My mind is dreaming of things. Are you listening? I took You for granted again and threw you aside and pretended for one minute that I had control of my life and the direction it seemed to be in. I was wrong again. I've heard that winter's cold will give way to summer's warmth. Oh no! Like salt in the snow, I'm melted and left all alone on the side of the road."

Be like salt in the snow. Melt yourself away and leave it alone and live for God's glory.

(All Scripture in this post were from my own paraphrase.)

Single Minded Obedience

Man, I've been missing out. I read an excerpt from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship and was blown away by it! Have you ever considered the concept of "costly grace" versus "cheap grace"? It won't leave my head alone!!

Here is the concept, in case you aren't familiar with it: Cheap grace says that I don't have to do anything for God. God saved me and gave me His grace, and that is all I need. Costly grace, however, says that I am called to serve and give of myself because Christ gave himself up for me. This is evidenced by what Bonhoeffer calls "Single Minded Obedience". This is when we obey completely and not look for loopholes in God's call.

For his example, which I will borrow, Bonhoeffer used the Rich Young Ruler from Scripture. This man asked what he had to do in order to inherit eternal life, and Jesus replied that he must adhere to and keep the commandments, which the man had done. Jesus also adds that he must sell all that he has and give the money to the poor. At this command, the young man turns away from Jesus and goes away in sorrow because he was attached to what he had and couldn't get rid of it.

Bonhoeffer argued that, today, most of us would look for a way to hang on to our stuff and still "obey". He said that we would try to detach ourselves from our possessions, and believe that was all God was commanding. We are, however, called to a strict obedience. We cannot half-heartedly obey. What was Christ actually commanding this young man to do? He asked this man to leave all his comforts and get rid of anything that might keep him from following Christ whole-heartedly. Christ gave the man the opportunity to believe, and obey, but the young man couldn't do so.

If you remember, this was the same command he gave to Peter and Levi when he called them. Peter, a fisherman, was called to leave his nets and boats (in actuality, his entire livelihood) and follow Christ, knowing not where he would sleep each night or if he would even eat every day. Levi, a tax collector, was, likewise, called to leave his table and follow Christ. These men, though probably not rich, still left everything they had and didn't return to their former lives. They were given the opportunity to trust in Jesus, and though they only knew Him by what they saw (possibly rabbi's robes), they followed without delay.

That is the kind of obedience God desires from us. Obedience without delay and without compromise. Peter and Levi definitely didn't starve, and God provided for them. If God calls us to do something, He will provide. I've seen it happen, and still I'm hesitant. Why do we find it so hard to obey so completely? Why does it stretch our faith so much to trust God? He hasn't failed anyone, anywhere...ever. Why would we be any different?

The Date (Part 3)

After I parked in front of her house, Stacy looked me in the eyes briefly, then looked down at her hands worrying over her keys. She kept turning them over and over in her hands, and would occasionally ask me a simple "Yes or No" question about my past, while glancing up ever so slightly at my face. She would bite her lip after she asked, as though she were thinking through something really hard and couldn't reach an acceptable answer to her problem. I stole a glance at the clock which read 10:45, and quickly looked back at her. "Am I keeping you from something," Stacy asked.

Crap. She noticed me look at the clock. "No, not at all. I was just wondering what the time was," I explained quickly. I really didn't have anything to get to. I was actually cataloging how much time we were spending together, but I didn't think that response would be well received. "Oh, okay," she replied. "Well, I think I'm gonna go in anyways. It is getting pretty late." Her eyes fell again to her hands still worrying over her keys. I wasn't ready to leave her yet, so I got out, and went around to her door and opened it for her. I walked her up to her door, and we stood there looking at each other again. She was still worrying over her keys in her hands. My mind, all night, had been seeing the scene from Hitch playing in my head, as if Will Smith was teaching me what to do instead of Kevin James.

As I'm about to awkwardly make my move, she suggests, "You know, you don't have to leave right away. If you don't want to. My room mate is probably already asleep and the living room is on the other side of the house. We could talk some more in there." My face lit up as she said that. For one thing, I was saved the possible embarrassment of going in for the kiss when she didn't want one, and, two, I got to spend more time with her. "Yeah," I answered, "that sounds great."

She opened her front door and we go in and make our way to the living room. "Make yourself at home," she says when we reach the living room. "I'll be right back." She went into a room just off the main living room and closed the door. I went and found the bathroom and ran water over my face attempting to wash the sweat and dirt off. I took my shirt off and splashed some on my armpits, hoping that would cut down on any odor that escaped my excessive use of deodorant earlier. I threw my shirt back on and went back out to the couch and was left to my thoughts. These ranged from everything to "Does she want me to kiss her?" to what she was doing in her room.

I didn't have to wonder about that much longer, for she came out and I saw that she had changed into, presumably, what served as her pajamas. Stacy sat on the couch and looked at me. "There," she said, "I'm much more comfortable now. Sorry, I don't have anything for you to change into. I'm sure you want to get out of those clothes."

"Don't worry about it," I told her. "I'm fine." After that, we keep talking, taking turns asking questions about our pasts and what we see ourselves doing in the future. We talked for a long time, and as time passed, we inched closer to each other. I didn't really notice it at first, but I looked one time and we were several feet apart and the next time, we were only about 18 inches apart. I, then, started watching her whenever she shifted positions. I began to realize she shifted so that she was closer to me, and I, subconsciously, was reciprocating the movement. We got a little closer, and then the moment came. I looked up and we locked eyes again. This time, I wasted none thinking through. I moved my head towards hers and she reciprocated. My eyes closed when our lips touched, and I was suddenly hyper aware of her proximity. My hand moved to her face and softly caressed her cheek, while one of her hands wound its way under my arm to my back.

My next conscious thought came a minute later as our lips came apart. "Well," I said, letting the word speak for itself.

"Yeah," she countered. She looked back at me and smiled. She bit her lower lip again, but this time she didn't look like she was thinking through a hard decision, more like remembering something exciting. Her eyes looked as though they were smiling wide in joy. After a moment, she curled herself into my side, pulled my arm over her shoulder and intertwined our fingers and said, "I guess this counts as date number one."

The End.

The Date (part 2)

Option C:

She finally responded to me. I was so anxious to see what she would say that during the waiting time I lived on Facebook and constantly refreshed the page, hoping to find her response. When it did, I didn't know what to think. I spent so much time imagining the conversation we would have and what would happen afterwards, I never paused to think about this response: "Hey! Yeah, I'm going to be hanging out with some friends from church on Thursday if you want to come. We'll be meeting at the park for some Ultimate Frisbee then getting some coffee afterwards. We'd love it if you came! 7:00 on Thursday."

Well, it wasn't exactly a "no," was it? I didn't really know what to think about it at all. I was so excited about getting to know her as a potential girlfriend, that I totally skipped the friend stage. Maybe this would work out better?

Well, I wrote back, "Sure, I'll be there. No doubt," and prepared myself for hanging out with several people I didn't know. On the one hand, she seemed liked she geniunely wanted me to come, so that was exciting, and I didn't really specify if I wanted it to be just us, so I guess I'll take what I can get.

Thursday came, and I left home at about 6:45 to get to the park. When I got there, several people, including Stacy, were warming up and throwing the frisbee around. As I was walking up, a guy threw a frisbee real deep, over Stacy's head, and she came running after it. I figured it would be way out of her reach, so I ran to make a play on it. She was much faster than I gave her credit for, and we collided with each other and the frisbee fell to the ground. Her knee hit mine and her shoulder rammed into my chest, which knocked me backwards onto the ground. Stacy fell on top of me, and we hit the ground hard. "Ow," said Stacy as she rolled over to see who she ran into. Her face had a look of frustration on it until she recognized it was me. "Oh, hey, Chris," she said breaking into a dazzling smile. "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

"It's ok," I said, smiling back, though mostly because I didn't want her to get up. "I should have just let you catch it anyway, but I thought it was out of your reach." The sentence trailed off and we found ourselves in one of those weird movie moments where the girl doesn't get off of the guy she accidently knocked down until it gets awkward. Well, about 3 seconds past awkward, she realized she was still on me and got up. She blushed a little, and said, "Come on, I'll introduce you to everyone." So, we went over to the rest of the group, who were, if I wasn't just imagining it, giving her a look that asked, "Who is this and why were you laying on him?"

She introduced me to everyone, and I quickly forgot most of their names, seeing as my mind still wanted to be pinned down by Stacy. Soon after, though, we got started. It had been several years since I had last played Ultimate, but remembered my form soon enough, and in no time, I was bombing throws down the field for Stacy or one of the other guys on my team. After the game, Stacy came up and gave me a big high-five, and invited me to go hang out with them. I told her I would and we started heading toward our cars. I noticed Stacy hanging back, talking to one of the girls, and then she looked over at me. I turned my head and kept walking to my car, when I heard her call, "Hey! Chris! Hold up!" I stopped and turned around. Stacy stopped in front of me and said, "Julie is gonna go home, and I rode with her over here, do you think I could get a ride with you?"

My heart started beating faster than at any point during the game as I said, "Sure. That's fine." My mind was yelling and I was doing backflips inside my body as we walked to the car. We got in and headed to the coffee bar. We stayed there with everyone for about an hour, just talking and joking around, and then, one by one, people started leaving to go do homework or go to bed since they had to be at work early and other various activities. Luckily, the public schools had a day off on Friday, and so did I, so Stacy and I stayed behind and talked more. We sat there talking until a barista came up and said they were closing, so we got back in my car and left. I looked at her and asked if she wanted me to take her home, and she said sure and gave me directions.

When we pulled up in front of her house, she looked at me and...

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Choice number 2:
A, B, or C.

The Date (Part 1)

Have you ever found yourself captivated by someone? I mean so utterly enthralled with them, you make every excuse imaginable to see him/her? It's a weird feeling, right? That's the way I was with Stacy after I first met her. First of all, she is gorgeous. I'm talking beyond beautiful type of pretty. Her blond hair is usually pulled up into a pony tail, which always looks better to me, her green eyes are piercing, and her smile is contagious. When she smiles, I swear her eyes laugh. That really is her best physical quality. She's athletic and very well built. She's naught but 5'5", but I've seen her wreak havoc on the basketball court. I've also heard stories of her prowess on the softball field, and, man, can she sing! She seemed gentle and genuine in her faith in God, but it took me a while to know who she really is.

See, I had only known Stacy for about a month and we'd only had maybe four conversations over that amount of time. Neither one of us had much time on Sunday mornings to talk a lot. I wanted to change that, though. I wanted to get to know her. So, how did she captivate me? It's simple, I don't know her, and I wanted to. Also, she is very pretty and from what I could tell, single. Why wouldn't I be captivated by her?

It is weird, I'll give you that one. It wasn't exactly "love-at-first-sight" for me, but I definitely took notice of her. When she walked up on stage that Sunday, my eyes were drawn to her. She captured my attention while she was up there, I'm sorry to say. I was pulled away from worship, and that wasn't the last time it happened. However, I found that when my mind drifted to her, I didn't think anything bad about her. My mind was just filled with questions like: What is she like? What are her quirks? What does she like to do in her free time? Does she like NCIS? and other random questions like that.

Then, after about six weeks, I finally got up the courage to see if she wanted to go eat with me after church one Sunday and she said yes! I was so excited and wished it was that same Sunday, but I would have to wait another week for that.

Finally, the day came. I had anticipated it all week and I found my mind drifting to how it would play out. I thought we would go, enjoy ourselves immensely, talk about all sorts of things, get to know each other better, that I would impress her enough that she would start to like me, and spend the whole afternoon talking and getting to know each other.

I let her choose the restaurant, but offered to drive so we could talk more. She agreed to that and we left as soon as church was over for the restaurant. We got to our table and sat down. We made small talk and ordered. We covered several of my questions and I answered some of the ones she had for me. I had the feeling it was going well. We finished, payed, and left to pick up her car. When we reached the church again, I asked what she was going to do this afternoon, and she said she had a lot of papers to grade, so I told I would see her later at church and told her to have fun. She responded with "you too" and left. I replayed the meal in my several times that day, and decided that it followed my expectations fairly close.

It was then I decided to ask her out again, so that I night at church I did. Sort of.

"Hey, Stacy," I said when she came walking up the aisle. "Get those papers done?" Stupid question. Why did I ask that?

"Hey, Chris. Yeah, I got most of them done. What did you do this afternoon," she asked.

My mind said I thought about our meal all afternoon, but I replied with, "Nothing, really. I just watched TV." So, exciting. Well, here goes everything: "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out again sometime? Today was pretty fun."

"Sure, look me up on Facebook and we'll figure something out. Gotta go now, though. Bye." She turned and walked off. I waited to see if she looked over her shoulder like girls do in the movies when they like someone. But she didn't.

That night, I sent her a friend request on Facebook, and waited for her confirmation. She confirmed it the next day and wrote on my wall: "Hey there, you found me." So I clicked "wall-to-wall" and wrote on her wall "I sure did. We are now officially friends."

I waited a day or so before mentioning our hang-out time, then I wrote on her wall, "Hey, let me know a time when you will be free and we can go get coffee or something."

It took her a while to respond, but she finally did....
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Now, this is your turn to get interactive! If you want this story to continue, I need you to leave a comment and write A, B, or C. There are three different possible outcomes from here, and it's up to you to choose. After a week, which ever has the most votes is what it will be. If it's a tie, I choose which way it will go. Sorry, but you don't get to know the possible outcomes beforehand. It makes it more fun this way! Please cast your vote!!! Thanks.

That Which Never Was (Part 3)

"I'm warning you now," my guide said softly. "This will be the hardest for you to see." The scene rewound and once again I found myself looking at a picture of young-me prior to asking Sarah to prom.

"Has any of the background changed from the previous two outcomes you have shown me?" I asked. "Am I still dating Liz, or not?"

"No," he replied, "now, watch."

The volume turned up so I could hear the conversation. "Hey, Sarah," young-me said. "What's up?" The conversation drifted into the meaningless for a while before young-me got to the point. I expected something similar to previous vision of this moment in time, but, young-me just said, "Hey, listen, I was wondering if you woulgo to prom with me? There is no one else I'd rather go with than you." Sarah nodded her head and smiled. She said that she would love to, and then the volume faded out.

The scene shifted again, but this time I was sitting with Kevin, James, and Logan at lunch one. We were discussing prom and the upcoming summer. James, Logan, and I all poked fun at Kevin trying to get him to suck it up and ask Alisha out on a date outside of prom. Kevin blushed bright red and said, "I will if Danny asks Sarah out." A collective "Ooo" went up from the rest of the guys. Kevin had called young-me out.

I listened intently to hear what young-me would say. "It depends on how prom goes. I don't know how everything will play out." All the guys started complaining about young-me's "cop-out" answer, but young-me simply shrugged and said, "It's true."

The scene changed again. I was back in front of Sarah's house, dropping her off from prom. I watched as young-me, once again, debated on kissing Sarah, and, once again, didn't. I was confused and turned to ask my guide what was going on, but he just raised his hand and the scene changed again. This time it was just after graduation. Sarah and Alicia had come to see the seniors off before our graduation celebration trip. James, Logan, Tyler, and Kevin were all on the bus and young-me was boarding when Sarah called my name. Young-me stopped and met her. The volume turned up so I could hear this conversation. Sarah told me she just wanted to say goodbye before we left, so young-me must have thought it was an appropriate time. "What are you doing tomorrow?" young-me asked.

"Nothing," Sarah answered. "Why?"

Young-me stammered over the words, but finally asked if she wanted to go on a date then. Sarah's face lit up, and a smile broke across her face. She was more excited about being asked on this date than to prom. The volume faded, but the picture didn't. Young-me must have been feeling bold, because he kissed her. Lucky for young-me, Sarah kissed back. The visible reactions from James, Logan, and Tyler were hilarious. They all looked like they were whooping and hollering and applauding young-me, but Kevin looked shell-shocked. I guess he knew that he had to live up to his end of the bargain.

The scene faded into black and I heard my guide say, "That sequence of events changed everything. You never left the state for college. You stayed in town and waited for Sarah to finish high school. These next scenes will go by fast, but they will be crystal clear. Brace yourself."

The scenes began to flick through as though they were pictures. Yet, I saw all of them perfectly. The first was of our date the next night. The second was of us at a party. The third was of us on our one-year dating anniversary, then her senior prom, then her graduation, our two-year anniversary, and going off to state university together. The last picture I saw before everything went black again was of me kneeling with a ring in my hand and her with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. I didn't need to hear or be told that I had proposed and she had said yes.

"That last one," my guide said, once we re-entered the darkness, "it would have been about a year ago. This next one would have been yesterday." I could feel myself crumble to the floor as the darkness lifted and I saw Sarah and myself getting married.

Tears flooded my eyes and I screamed, "Enough! Stop!" The picture faded and was replaced with white. I was face to face with my guide.

"I told you this would be the hardest," my guide said sadly. "As you were told at the beginning, this last outcome is no longer possible, but neither are the previous two. You will always have Sarah as a friend." The guide paused for a bit, allowing this bit of information to wash over me. "You have a choice now," he resumed. "Whichever way you choose, you wake up. One choice is to wake up with no knowledge of this night and what you have seen. The other is to wake up with full knowledge. You should know, though, that if you choose to not remember tonight, you will wake up back as a senior a week before you tell Liz you are flying back to take her to her senior prom. If you choose to remember, you will wake up tomorrow and nothing except your knowledge will have changed."

I sat down on the white floor and put my head in my hands. I ran through each of the three other outcomes I was shown. One lead to a happy ever after with Sarah, but the other two lead to a life without her at all. One thought sprang to the front of my mind, "Is it better to have loved and lost, or never loved at all?" But I already loved her. She was just like a sister, and I loved her. Could I really risk giving that up? I stood back up and looked my guide in the face and said, "Let me keep this. Sarah is too important to lose altogether. Besides, she is happy now."

As soon as I said those words, I woke up. My phone was going off. I checked my text message and saw it was from Sarah. It said, "Hey. I just wanted to say I miss you. Love you big brother." A tear rolled down my cheek as I responded: "I miss you too Sarah. Have a good day. Love you." After I sent the message, a smile crossed my face.

Yeah, this was the right choice.

(The End)
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Toodles.

That Which Never Was (part 2)

(Sorry for the change in voice, this will be easier to write in first person rather than third.)

"Danny. I will show you what could have happened, but you mustn't dwell on this. And do not linger on the thought that what you feel is still possible. That is a different matter altogether, and I will not grant that wish..."

Immediately I was intrigued. What would God show me? What did that last part mean? Would I want God to change things so that I could be with Sarah? Even as I asked myself that question I knew that's what I wanted.

The darkness of sleep lightened and I saw my high school hallways. I looked around and noticed my friends and all the other students from my time there. I then noticed a man wearing a brown jacket standing against the far wall, I walked up to him and asked, "Who are you?"

"I am your guide," he replied. "I will show you that which never was, but could have been. There are three possible outcomes from your situation with Sarah. In each scenario, you have already broken up with Liz and are moving forward." He motioned toward Sarah and my younger self talking in the hallway. "One more thing," my guide said, "do not attempt to speak with them. This is purely a eyes and ears only dream."

After he finished talking, the conversation young-me was having with Sarah hit my ears. I was telling her about me breaking up with Liz, and she was telling me how sorry she was that it happened. After that conversation ended, everything fast forwarded to the day when I asked Sarah to the prom. It started the same as when I actually asked her, but it didn't end the same way. "Sarah," young-me said after the conversation started deviating from the original path, "I know what your blogs mean. I know who they are about, for the most part, and I want you to know that I feel the same way. I like you, Sarah. Will you go to the prom with me?"

The answering smile young-me got was enough to make older-me giddy. I always liked her smile and loved to see it. Even now, it was enough to make my head spin. The picture fast forwarded to another moment. This time, it was after prom and I was telling Sarah goodnight. My gut actually tensed in the dream as I realized that young-me was wrestling with the idea of kissing her, but my younger self didn't. Confused, I looked at my guide and asked, "Why didn't I kiss her? I remember the only reason why I didn't kiss her before was because of Liz, but that problem is gone, now."

My guide smiled at me and said, "You are graduating soon. Leaving her to go back to Texas. You decided that it wouldn't work out, so why get hurt over it? Unfortunately, she wanted you to kiss her. She was hoping you would. When you didn't, she thought it was because you didn't like her anymore and your friendship suffered because of it. You never became the close friends that you are now, and she slipped out of your life completely."

I got angry then, how could I lose her friendship?! I cherished that above everything else! I turned to shout at my guide when he said, "Now, let's see what would have happened if you kissed her."

Immediately, the scene rewound and young-me stood at the point of decision once more. This time, however, young-me bent down, wrapped his arms around her waist gently and kissed her lips. In that moment, the deepest feeling of envy and jealousy washed over me. I was envious of my younger self because he kissed Sarah, and I didn't. I would never know what that felt like, while he would. Young-me and Sarah pulled back from each other and smiled. The picture froze. I looked at my guide who said, "Now, we will see what happens."

The picture fast forwarded to a point in college. I still went off to another state for school, but this time, my long distance relationship was with Sarah and not Liz. Young-me's face was scrunched up in pain and tears were flowing down my cheeks. The words of the conversation he was having on the phone with Sarah filled my ears: "I'm sorry, Danny," Sarah was crying too and it was enough to make me tear up. "I can't keep going like this. It is too hard and I don't ever get to see you. I do love you, but I can't do this." The audio faded back out and I was left standing there watching young-me's heart shatter.

I looked up at my guide with tear-filled eyes and asked, "What happens next?"

He looked back and replied, "You lose contact. Yeah, you talk every now and then, but you fall into the ex-lover stage and can never get back the friendship you had."

I looked back at the still picture of young-me broken and in pain. I had lost her friendship again. This time, I wasn't angry. I was too heart-broken for young-me to be angry. I asked, without taking my eyes off of young-me, "You said there were three possible outcomes?"

"Yes," my guide replied. "Come, I will show you the last one, but I'm warning you now. This will be the hardest one to see."

My heart sank even lower. How much worse could it get? I've already lost her twice. Dread filled my mind as the picture rewound and young-me was once again asking Sarah to the prom...

That Which Never Was (Part 1)

Danny looked down at his favorite picture. It was taken at his senior prom five years ago. He laughed as the tears filled his eyes with the memories of that amazing night. One of his closest friends won Prom King as a darkhorse entry started by his sophomore date, but whenever Danny looked at this picture, all he saw was the indecision and goofy grin he wore. He knew what he wanted, what he should have done, but all of that was pushed aside due to some sense of chivalry and respect that has haunted him since.

Right before Danny's junior year, his parents moved to another state and Danny had to go. Danny was excited about the move, but he really didn't want to leave Liz. Liz was the "One," or, so Danny thought in high school. They continued to date throughout high school, though Danny never had the chance to go back and see her. It was hard, and they had some rough times, but he really loved her. Time was coming up for prom and Danny was planning on going back and taking Liz to her prom. His parents helped and bought the plane ticket for him to go. They wanted to help him as much as they could. So, it was set. He would go back and take Liz to her prom. One day while talking to his friends at lunch, they asked him if he was going to their prom. "I don't know guys," he said. "I'm gonna be spending a lot of money taking Liz, and there really isn't anyone for me to take here."

His friends wouldn't take that as his final answer and they kept asking and, really, begging him to go. "It won't be the same without you, man," Kevin said the next day. "You really should think about going. It will be an absolute blast. Come, please." Danny looked at his friend, and thought about it. "I'll think about it, but I don't know if I'll be up for another one. I don't even like to dance," Danny replied.

Then, one day, after school, one of the groups he helped out with had a meeting. After the initial meeting, they broke up into groups to talk about planning for next year. Many of the leaders and planners were graduating, himself included, and they wanted to get a list of ideas for the next year to help ease the younger students into leadership. So Danny, Kevin, Alisha, and Sarah got in a group. Two seniors and two sophomores. Kevin liked Alisha, and we were all pretty sure Alisha liked Kevin back. We were so certain of this that we joked with him about it constantly. It never failed, in every situation, Danny, Logan, James, or Tyler made a joke about them. Kevin actually got so fed up with the jokes that he asked Alisha to prom and she, of course, said yes.

Anyways, the group was a weird matching of people, aside from the Kevin-Alisha thing. Kevin and Alisha were great friends with Sarah already, and with Danny, but Danny and Sarah didn't know each other, but they soon got to be good friends. They talked every chance they had and hung out as often as they could. Danny couldn't help but like her. Danny hadn't forgotten about Liz, though. He knew that he couldn't break up with her, she was too important to him. She was the "one." He had to put a definitive term on his relationship with Sarah. He began to look at Sarah as his little sister, and, so, that's how he defined their relationship. He would be her big brother. He decided to go to both proms, and he took Sarah as his date, knowing that would be a safe choice.

Time came for his trip back to Liz for her prom. He left, had an amazing weekend, and came home. The first person he wanted to see that Monday morning, though, was Sarah. He wanted to talk to her about her weekend, and what she did. The last few weeks before his prom went by. The whole time, he felt something changing in him, but he couldn't allow himself to have it change. He went to Liz for her prom. He did that just for her because she loved him and he wanted her to be happy. Danny couldn't bring himself to break up with her now, he was even more connected than before. So he willed his feelings into not changing, or so he thought.

The night of prom came. The whole group went together, which was good. It made the night all the better, but Danny still wanted some alone time with Sarah. When he went to pick her up, he fought the nerves the whole way. "Sarah's like my little sister. It would just be weird," Danny told himself. He parked and walked up to her front door with the corsage in his hand. He knocked on the door and, when it opened, he was blown away. Her black hair was up and curled revealing her neck, and the blue of her dress contrasted against her skin beautifully. It took a second, but finally he said, "Hey."

"Hi," Sarah said. Danny looked at her for a little bit longer, and then said, "Here, this is for you," and handed her the corsage. Sarah blushed a little and said thanks very sheepishly. "You look beautiful," Danny said. Sarah blushed again and, once again, said thanks in a sheepish voice. "I guess we should get going, Alisha and Kevin will be waiting." They left her house and met the rest of the group and went through the rest of the night. Danny and Sarah laughed with everyone else and danced when appropriate, but Danny felt a pull in his gut wanting something more.

The night passed, too quickly. It seemed like it was over far too soon. James offered to have everyone come over to his house for the "after-party" which would consist of movies and snacks until you wanted to leave. Danny hoped that Sarah would go, but her dad wouldn't let her, so he took her home to say goodnight. While standing on her doorstep, Danny felt the urge to lean down and kiss her. It pulled at his gut, willing his face to go forward, but he fought through it and decided not to. And that has been his single greatest regret.

He went through graduation and that summer being her big brother, but wanting more. He went off to college and visited Liz, and about a month later, broke up with her. He went through two more girlfriends, and fell in love with both of them, but neither one worked out. It has left him, sitting on his bed, looking at the picture of him and Sarah, wondering what could have been.

It got to be too much for him. He put the picture down and lay his down on the pillow and prayed quietly, "God, this doesn't leave me alone. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I know what might have happened, I'd be ok. Please, God, show me what might have happened." After he finished praying, Danny closed his eyes and fell asleep.

His dream started out like this: "Danny. I will show you what could have happened, but you mustn't dwell on this. And do not linger on the thought that what you feel is still possible. That is a different matter altogether, and I will not grant that wish..."

Lover (Part 3 of 3)

"Why, Dad? Why did he choose Her?! I chose Her first! She's mine!" The Son could hardly stand still. His eyes were wet with tears. He finally was able to talk to Her, but all She said was, "That isn't my name. My name is Harlot," every time He addressed Her. She wouldn't let Him speak. She wouldn't let Him explain. She was only caught up in the foul, loathsome thief. She called to him like he was Her lover. How could she not remember the love He had given Her first?

"Patience, My Son," His Father said calmly. "She will see your love for Her. She will know how much you care." The Son nodded at His Father and sighed deeply. He, then, walked away to try and find Her again. "Be careful, My Son. That beast is looking for a way to make you fall."

The Son knew this. In fact, the loathsome creature had already tried. The Son neared the water's edge and looked up, as He had every day before. He searched far and wide for Her, and, at last, He spotted Her. She sat near the water, only 100 yards away, and the foul beast was no where to be seen. The Son walked over to Her in order to talk, but as He neared, the beautiful Woman looked up with tears in Her eyes. "Go away!" She screamed at Him. "Look what talking to you gets Me!" She showed Him Her arms and legs. He saw bruises spotted over them, and, He too, began to cry. "Why are you crying?" She asked harshly. "These are not your burdens, nor are they from your hand. I disobeyed my lover, my Cad. This is my just reward!"

The Son listened in horror at Her warped and twisted words. "No. It isn't your just reward," He said quietly. "You deserve more, my--"

"DO NOT SAY THAT NAME!" She was yelling again. "My name is Harlot! I am not that foul name you say!" She stood up quickly, then, and ran off into the wood. Her sobs and cries of anguish came loud through the trees.
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"It is time, Father! He is hurting Her. That foul beast is beating Her! I cannot stand it! Let me go and claim My Bride!" The events of that afternoon hurt the Son deep in His chest. It brought out feelings of pain and anger so deep, that He wasn't sure that they were His feelings.

"Yes, Son. It is time. You are ready, but remember this: You cannot touch him. You may only touch the Woman. Go, now, and be strong, My Son. She will love you."

The Son, determined now, ran back out towards the water. His anger and desire and jealousy pushed Him to the breaking point, but He ran faster still. He was weakened when He found Her, yet, He knew He could do this. For Her. For His Father.

"Why have you come back?" The tears still had not stopped flowing down Her cheeks, and now, there was blood on cheek as well. "He will only beat Me again! Do you delight in my pain?"

The question startled the Son. "No! Far from it!" It was time to tell Her. "I hate Your pain, more than My own. I despise Your tears of sorrow. As to why I am back, I have come back for You." He let that statement sink in for Her. "I have come to take You home, away from the beast you call Cad. He does not love or deserve you, but I do. I love You more than My life. Your redemption has always been My purpose." A smile came across His face as He said those last words, for He had an idea. A pleasant idea, but it had to be done quickly. "You, Beloved, are My Prize! You are what I will gladly die for." The Woman said nothing. She stared at the Son in shock at His bold words. At that moment, He matched His bold words with a bold, unexpected action. He took Her in His arms and kissed Her lips. All the passion He had saved up came through in this moment.
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Harlot couldn't believe her ears. He loved her? What she had always desired was true? She was in shock. She couldn't believe it. Was that how He truly saw her? As His Beloved? He couldn't, though! She was dirty. Unclean. A harlot. How could He love her? She looked into His deep eyes and found herself drowning in them. The desire was there. The fervor for her she could clearly see. He really would forgive anything and do anything for her. She knew she didn't deserve Him, but she wanted Him. The next thing she knew, He had her wrapped in His arms and His lips were pressed tightly against hers. The joy of that moment surpassed all of the pain she had ever felt. She felt at home in His arms.

The kiss was cut off too quickly. He smiled wildly at her. She smiled back at Him. She knew, now, her Lover. As soon as she thought the word concerning Him, her mind filled with images that she did not recognize. The one that lingered the longest was one of her in His arms again, but she was without clothes as when she first awoke. His smooth voice said quietly to her, "Wait for me, here. I will return for you." Realization hit her between her eyes. He was calling for her when she first awoke! He had always loved her and had searched and fought for her the whole time! Her mouth dropped open in surprise and understanding, but He just smiled wider.

A rough voice cut through the quiet. "What are you doing with HIM?!" She turned to see Cad walking towards them, visibly furious. "Leave Her alone, beast," the velvet voice said. "She is mine and She always has been." The color of Cad's face turned a deeper red to an almost black. A snarl ripped from Cad's chest and his eyes turned black. He pulled a knife out from behind his back at leapt at her. The knife was aiming right for her, but she soon only felt the grass on her back. She looked back to where she was standing to see Him, her Lover with the knife sticking out of His chest. Blood poured from His wound and covered the ground below Him. He looked at her and smiled. "I told you I would die for you. Wait for me, Beloved." Then He fell to the ground, dead.

A scream of pure agony ripped from her chest, but it was coupled by a scream much rougher and another so loud and painful that it shook the Earth. It was as though the earth was crying for justice. After her scream broke off, she looked and saw Cad as he truly is. Dead black skin with dead red eyes. All his beauty was stripped away leaving him exposed. She stared in horror at him and saw the pain in his dead eyes. He turned and ran away. He seemed afraid to be in this place any longer. After he entered the cover of the trees, she turned her eyes and attention back to her Lover. Tears, once more, fell from her eyes. Sobs broke loose from her chest. A calm, soothing voice reached her, "Do not weep, Daughter. For He will return for you. He died to free you so that you could live to love Him."

After these words were spoken, the wind blew and her pain eased. She raised her face into the breeze and welcomed it on her cheeks. After the breeze died away, she looked back down to her Lover's body, but it was not there. The pool of blood stayed and the knife had been removed, but the body was gone. Panic gripped her and she began to cry once more. She had only just remembered her Lover, but now, He was dead and she couldn't even bury the body.

"Don't cry," a softer, gentler voice said. "Everything is right, now." She turned to look at the voice. She felt her whole body lift off the ground. He was there! Her Lover HAD come back. "How," she asked suddenly. "You were dead! How are you here now?"

"I had to die. If I didn't, you would still not be free. My Father looked upon My sacrifice with favor. I did it correctly. I did it for My Beloved." He bent down and kissed her again softly. "Now, and I know this will seem cruel, but I must go. I must see to Our house. I want it to be perfect for you, My Beloved. My Bride. Wait for Me, here. Do not forget Me!" Then, He disappeared.

She didn't have time to agree or to protest, but she knew she would remember Him. How could she not? So, she waited, not always patiently, but she waited. Men came by, but she did not notice them. Her eyes were fixed on where her Lover said to wait. Time passed, but she hardly noticed. She was fixated upon her Lover. One morning, she awoke as the sun came rose across the water. She stretched her arms and stood to stretch her legs. Then, the voice she had waited for spoke, "Hello, My Beloved. It is time. Come, My Wife, let Us go home." She grabbed His outstretched hand, pulled Him close, kissed His lips, and said, "Yes, My Lover, My Husband. I am ready to go home."

They turned and walked towards the sun, across the water, and went home.

"Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for Her."
- Ephesians 5:25. Bottom line: The Church is the Bride of Christ and He died to set us free so that we could live to love Him.

Cad (Part 2 of 3)

He sat with his back resting against something. He couldn't tell what it was. A pervasive darkness covered his eyes. If it wasn't for the knowledge of his muscles working, he wouldn't even have known if his eyes were open or not. He turned his head in all directions possible, hoping for a light to break into the darkness. But there was nothing. He feared standing, for fear he would fall even further into nothingness. The events leading up to this were clear in his head and played in an endless cycle.

"Get out!" The Voice roared with such authority that Cad could barely whisper his response; a response that landed him here in this blackness. Say what you want about Him, but the Old Man could get angry. Cad closed his eyes in a deep depression and began to cry, again. He screamed out in rage, mostly directed to the Old Man, but also to the Brat and himself.

As his scream died, Cad opened his eyes again and saw a light growing. "Finally," he thought, "I'll be able to see something in this wretched place!" Just as he finished his thought, though, the light broke out over the ground and revealed the second most beautiful sight Cad had ever seen. She stood there, with the Brat. "Perfect! I still can't get away from Him!" Hate seethed out of every possible place. The two looked so happy; so in love it was disgusting.

Cad walked slowly toward the couple, trying to decide what he would do. He wasn't exactly sure of how he would do it, but he would steal the Girl from Him. As he neared, Cad caught the last of what the Brat was saying to Her, "Don't fear, my Love. I will come back to this place for you. Just remember Me and My love. It won't be long." With that, the Brat kissed Her and walked away. Suddenly, everything clicked into place. This place was for Her and She was for the Brat. The desire to have Her drove Cad insane. Her beauty was incomparable to anything in this place, and Cad vowed to destroy it. Her innocence was his for the taking. Cad smiled to himself and walked forward.

"Hello, lovely," Cad said, purring as if he was calling a cat. She smiled at him, but said nothing. "What," Cad asked, hurt. "Do you not have anything to say? You sure looked friendly with Him." Cad sneered the designation and refused to name the Brat. She looked down at her feet and said nothing. Cad, though, was determined. He continued coaxing Her and, after a while, began a conversation. Soon, they were walking and talking about everything.

"How is it that I do not know who you are," She asked after a few trips around the small lake.

"Because He doesn't want you to know me."

"Why not," she asked. "You don't seem bad and you are very nice."

"I do not know, love. Perhaps He doesn't trust you? Or, perhaps, He doesn't want you to know anything else?" That answer left Her thinking. Cad was sure he almost had Her. "Would you like to know me more? I can show so many things that He never would."

Her eyes lit up and turned the brightest blue with excitement. "Yes! I would love to!"

"Come, then. I will give you food and rest, and you will know me." Cad led Her into the forest and plucked an apple from a tree, whispered an incantation over it, and gave it to Her. She bit deeply into the apple and Cad watched Her eyes turn from the brightest blue to a dead, pale blue in a second. Cad smiled at his cleverness and said, "Come. You must rest now." He lay Her down behind a bush and let Her sleep.

While She slept, Cad whispered over Her. "You are now called Harlot. You are dirty. Used. Unwanted. He does not call for you. He calls for someone else. He doesn't want you." After he said these things, he let Her sleep.

A few hours later, Cad returned. He watched the Brat walk right past Harlot calling her by her other name. Cad chuckled inwardly and approached the woman crouching behind the bush and covered in leaves. "Harlot," he called softly. The woman turned to face him. The smile that was on her face fell into a disappointed grimace. Cad smiled, for he truly had her now.

Harlot (Part 1 of a 3 part story)

Tears filled the woman’s eyes. She was different, changed, but she did not know why. Something felt different. She could not tell if it was her, or the atmosphere of where she was. Everything just felt weird, empty. She was in the same place as before she woke up, it felt oddly familiar, but different.

She got up to walk around, but even that was awkward. Everything felt heavy, like time had slowed down and gravity was thrust down upon her. She stumbled often, searching, always searching. She walked down the lake shore, eyes roving the tree line for her lost—something. Everything felt so foreign! She trudged on through the heavy sand while the tears finally found form and rolled down her cheeks. A sob tried to break through her mouth, but she kept it locked inside. She knew if she let one through, then another would escape, and then she would fall into a helpless, useless, worthless state of being.

To her left, in the tree line, she heard a branch snap. A cold shiver ran through her body as a slight breeze blew in from her right. She rubbed her arms to warm herself. Her skin felt icy and damp. She looked down at herself to see why she was so cold. The water from the lake lapped at her feet silently, her arms and legs had cold bumps all over them, and her stomach was—uncovered. Her whole body was uncovered! "That is why I am cold," she thought, "I’m—I’m naked."

Panic replaced the cold she felt. She was naked, and someone could see her. Her mind began to race and her heart began to pound in her chest. She ran towards the nearest covering and hid behind it. A few minutes later, a man walked near her hiding spot. He, too, was uncovered, but He saw no shame in it. He did not dive behind a bush. Perhaps He did not realize it yet. He called for someone, but it was not her. She had no memory of another woman, but was certain this man was calling for someone else. She was naked, dirty, shamed. Who would ever want someone like that? He continued calling a name, but it was not hers. “Harlot” never left His lips. She only knew herself as “Harlot,” that was her name, not this word the man called.

The man walked closer to Harlot’s spot, and she cringed and scooted farther and farther back into the brush. He kept calling that hideous name though, and jealousy flooded her heart at the sound of that name. Harlot wanted this man. She wanted to be the object of His desire, but He called for another. She would show Him, though. Once she covered herself, she would devote herself to winning His affection!

The man left her, finally. Harlot looked out from her spot and saw that He was, indeed, gone. She immediately started working on fashioning some sort of covering for herself. She gathered a large amount of long-veined leaves and smaller, but adequate sized leaves. She broke off a small twig and started punching holes in the smaller leaves near the top. After doing that, she took the long-veined leaves and began to tear them and rip them into thin enough strips so that it will be able to pass through the holes in the small leaves making long rows of leaves attached together making a rough attempt at coverings. She ran the rows of leaves around her torso, each side fully reaching around and overlapping. She made several more rows; enough to cover from her armpits to above her stomach and from her waist to her mid-thigh. She then tied the rows covering her chest together forming one piece and the rows covering her waist together forming a second. Harlot’s tension and shame fell when she finally settled into her coverings. Now, she could face Him, and deserve Him. Her heart began to get lighter, she felt a little less dirty. She stepped out into the sunlight and basked in the warm rays.

A voice broke the silence behind her. "Harlot." Finally, He called her. Harlot smiled as she turned to face Him, but, it was not Him. Now that she thought about it, the voice that called was completely different as well. His voice was smooth and sweet. This other voice was rough and harsh. This second man was decent looking, and, to Harlot's great pleasure, clothed as she was. "How is it you know my name, sir?" Harlot searched the man's eyes for any type of recognition.

"Come now, Harlot. Do you not know me? Have you not already lay with me?" Harlot's mind spun. Is this man...could this man really be the one she was to be with? She, tentatively and suspiciously continued the conversation. By the end, however, she was certain that this man, he called himself Cad, was her friend and, perhaps more than that.