Single Minded Obedience

Man, I've been missing out. I read an excerpt from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship and was blown away by it! Have you ever considered the concept of "costly grace" versus "cheap grace"? It won't leave my head alone!!

Here is the concept, in case you aren't familiar with it: Cheap grace says that I don't have to do anything for God. God saved me and gave me His grace, and that is all I need. Costly grace, however, says that I am called to serve and give of myself because Christ gave himself up for me. This is evidenced by what Bonhoeffer calls "Single Minded Obedience". This is when we obey completely and not look for loopholes in God's call.

For his example, which I will borrow, Bonhoeffer used the Rich Young Ruler from Scripture. This man asked what he had to do in order to inherit eternal life, and Jesus replied that he must adhere to and keep the commandments, which the man had done. Jesus also adds that he must sell all that he has and give the money to the poor. At this command, the young man turns away from Jesus and goes away in sorrow because he was attached to what he had and couldn't get rid of it.

Bonhoeffer argued that, today, most of us would look for a way to hang on to our stuff and still "obey". He said that we would try to detach ourselves from our possessions, and believe that was all God was commanding. We are, however, called to a strict obedience. We cannot half-heartedly obey. What was Christ actually commanding this young man to do? He asked this man to leave all his comforts and get rid of anything that might keep him from following Christ whole-heartedly. Christ gave the man the opportunity to believe, and obey, but the young man couldn't do so.

If you remember, this was the same command he gave to Peter and Levi when he called them. Peter, a fisherman, was called to leave his nets and boats (in actuality, his entire livelihood) and follow Christ, knowing not where he would sleep each night or if he would even eat every day. Levi, a tax collector, was, likewise, called to leave his table and follow Christ. These men, though probably not rich, still left everything they had and didn't return to their former lives. They were given the opportunity to trust in Jesus, and though they only knew Him by what they saw (possibly rabbi's robes), they followed without delay.

That is the kind of obedience God desires from us. Obedience without delay and without compromise. Peter and Levi definitely didn't starve, and God provided for them. If God calls us to do something, He will provide. I've seen it happen, and still I'm hesitant. Why do we find it so hard to obey so completely? Why does it stretch our faith so much to trust God? He hasn't failed anyone, anywhere...ever. Why would we be any different?

The Date (Part 3)

After I parked in front of her house, Stacy looked me in the eyes briefly, then looked down at her hands worrying over her keys. She kept turning them over and over in her hands, and would occasionally ask me a simple "Yes or No" question about my past, while glancing up ever so slightly at my face. She would bite her lip after she asked, as though she were thinking through something really hard and couldn't reach an acceptable answer to her problem. I stole a glance at the clock which read 10:45, and quickly looked back at her. "Am I keeping you from something," Stacy asked.

Crap. She noticed me look at the clock. "No, not at all. I was just wondering what the time was," I explained quickly. I really didn't have anything to get to. I was actually cataloging how much time we were spending together, but I didn't think that response would be well received. "Oh, okay," she replied. "Well, I think I'm gonna go in anyways. It is getting pretty late." Her eyes fell again to her hands still worrying over her keys. I wasn't ready to leave her yet, so I got out, and went around to her door and opened it for her. I walked her up to her door, and we stood there looking at each other again. She was still worrying over her keys in her hands. My mind, all night, had been seeing the scene from Hitch playing in my head, as if Will Smith was teaching me what to do instead of Kevin James.

As I'm about to awkwardly make my move, she suggests, "You know, you don't have to leave right away. If you don't want to. My room mate is probably already asleep and the living room is on the other side of the house. We could talk some more in there." My face lit up as she said that. For one thing, I was saved the possible embarrassment of going in for the kiss when she didn't want one, and, two, I got to spend more time with her. "Yeah," I answered, "that sounds great."

She opened her front door and we go in and make our way to the living room. "Make yourself at home," she says when we reach the living room. "I'll be right back." She went into a room just off the main living room and closed the door. I went and found the bathroom and ran water over my face attempting to wash the sweat and dirt off. I took my shirt off and splashed some on my armpits, hoping that would cut down on any odor that escaped my excessive use of deodorant earlier. I threw my shirt back on and went back out to the couch and was left to my thoughts. These ranged from everything to "Does she want me to kiss her?" to what she was doing in her room.

I didn't have to wonder about that much longer, for she came out and I saw that she had changed into, presumably, what served as her pajamas. Stacy sat on the couch and looked at me. "There," she said, "I'm much more comfortable now. Sorry, I don't have anything for you to change into. I'm sure you want to get out of those clothes."

"Don't worry about it," I told her. "I'm fine." After that, we keep talking, taking turns asking questions about our pasts and what we see ourselves doing in the future. We talked for a long time, and as time passed, we inched closer to each other. I didn't really notice it at first, but I looked one time and we were several feet apart and the next time, we were only about 18 inches apart. I, then, started watching her whenever she shifted positions. I began to realize she shifted so that she was closer to me, and I, subconsciously, was reciprocating the movement. We got a little closer, and then the moment came. I looked up and we locked eyes again. This time, I wasted none thinking through. I moved my head towards hers and she reciprocated. My eyes closed when our lips touched, and I was suddenly hyper aware of her proximity. My hand moved to her face and softly caressed her cheek, while one of her hands wound its way under my arm to my back.

My next conscious thought came a minute later as our lips came apart. "Well," I said, letting the word speak for itself.

"Yeah," she countered. She looked back at me and smiled. She bit her lower lip again, but this time she didn't look like she was thinking through a hard decision, more like remembering something exciting. Her eyes looked as though they were smiling wide in joy. After a moment, she curled herself into my side, pulled my arm over her shoulder and intertwined our fingers and said, "I guess this counts as date number one."

The End.

The Date (part 2)

Option C:

She finally responded to me. I was so anxious to see what she would say that during the waiting time I lived on Facebook and constantly refreshed the page, hoping to find her response. When it did, I didn't know what to think. I spent so much time imagining the conversation we would have and what would happen afterwards, I never paused to think about this response: "Hey! Yeah, I'm going to be hanging out with some friends from church on Thursday if you want to come. We'll be meeting at the park for some Ultimate Frisbee then getting some coffee afterwards. We'd love it if you came! 7:00 on Thursday."

Well, it wasn't exactly a "no," was it? I didn't really know what to think about it at all. I was so excited about getting to know her as a potential girlfriend, that I totally skipped the friend stage. Maybe this would work out better?

Well, I wrote back, "Sure, I'll be there. No doubt," and prepared myself for hanging out with several people I didn't know. On the one hand, she seemed liked she geniunely wanted me to come, so that was exciting, and I didn't really specify if I wanted it to be just us, so I guess I'll take what I can get.

Thursday came, and I left home at about 6:45 to get to the park. When I got there, several people, including Stacy, were warming up and throwing the frisbee around. As I was walking up, a guy threw a frisbee real deep, over Stacy's head, and she came running after it. I figured it would be way out of her reach, so I ran to make a play on it. She was much faster than I gave her credit for, and we collided with each other and the frisbee fell to the ground. Her knee hit mine and her shoulder rammed into my chest, which knocked me backwards onto the ground. Stacy fell on top of me, and we hit the ground hard. "Ow," said Stacy as she rolled over to see who she ran into. Her face had a look of frustration on it until she recognized it was me. "Oh, hey, Chris," she said breaking into a dazzling smile. "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

"It's ok," I said, smiling back, though mostly because I didn't want her to get up. "I should have just let you catch it anyway, but I thought it was out of your reach." The sentence trailed off and we found ourselves in one of those weird movie moments where the girl doesn't get off of the guy she accidently knocked down until it gets awkward. Well, about 3 seconds past awkward, she realized she was still on me and got up. She blushed a little, and said, "Come on, I'll introduce you to everyone." So, we went over to the rest of the group, who were, if I wasn't just imagining it, giving her a look that asked, "Who is this and why were you laying on him?"

She introduced me to everyone, and I quickly forgot most of their names, seeing as my mind still wanted to be pinned down by Stacy. Soon after, though, we got started. It had been several years since I had last played Ultimate, but remembered my form soon enough, and in no time, I was bombing throws down the field for Stacy or one of the other guys on my team. After the game, Stacy came up and gave me a big high-five, and invited me to go hang out with them. I told her I would and we started heading toward our cars. I noticed Stacy hanging back, talking to one of the girls, and then she looked over at me. I turned my head and kept walking to my car, when I heard her call, "Hey! Chris! Hold up!" I stopped and turned around. Stacy stopped in front of me and said, "Julie is gonna go home, and I rode with her over here, do you think I could get a ride with you?"

My heart started beating faster than at any point during the game as I said, "Sure. That's fine." My mind was yelling and I was doing backflips inside my body as we walked to the car. We got in and headed to the coffee bar. We stayed there with everyone for about an hour, just talking and joking around, and then, one by one, people started leaving to go do homework or go to bed since they had to be at work early and other various activities. Luckily, the public schools had a day off on Friday, and so did I, so Stacy and I stayed behind and talked more. We sat there talking until a barista came up and said they were closing, so we got back in my car and left. I looked at her and asked if she wanted me to take her home, and she said sure and gave me directions.

When we pulled up in front of her house, she looked at me and...

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Choice number 2:
A, B, or C.

The Date (Part 1)

Have you ever found yourself captivated by someone? I mean so utterly enthralled with them, you make every excuse imaginable to see him/her? It's a weird feeling, right? That's the way I was with Stacy after I first met her. First of all, she is gorgeous. I'm talking beyond beautiful type of pretty. Her blond hair is usually pulled up into a pony tail, which always looks better to me, her green eyes are piercing, and her smile is contagious. When she smiles, I swear her eyes laugh. That really is her best physical quality. She's athletic and very well built. She's naught but 5'5", but I've seen her wreak havoc on the basketball court. I've also heard stories of her prowess on the softball field, and, man, can she sing! She seemed gentle and genuine in her faith in God, but it took me a while to know who she really is.

See, I had only known Stacy for about a month and we'd only had maybe four conversations over that amount of time. Neither one of us had much time on Sunday mornings to talk a lot. I wanted to change that, though. I wanted to get to know her. So, how did she captivate me? It's simple, I don't know her, and I wanted to. Also, she is very pretty and from what I could tell, single. Why wouldn't I be captivated by her?

It is weird, I'll give you that one. It wasn't exactly "love-at-first-sight" for me, but I definitely took notice of her. When she walked up on stage that Sunday, my eyes were drawn to her. She captured my attention while she was up there, I'm sorry to say. I was pulled away from worship, and that wasn't the last time it happened. However, I found that when my mind drifted to her, I didn't think anything bad about her. My mind was just filled with questions like: What is she like? What are her quirks? What does she like to do in her free time? Does she like NCIS? and other random questions like that.

Then, after about six weeks, I finally got up the courage to see if she wanted to go eat with me after church one Sunday and she said yes! I was so excited and wished it was that same Sunday, but I would have to wait another week for that.

Finally, the day came. I had anticipated it all week and I found my mind drifting to how it would play out. I thought we would go, enjoy ourselves immensely, talk about all sorts of things, get to know each other better, that I would impress her enough that she would start to like me, and spend the whole afternoon talking and getting to know each other.

I let her choose the restaurant, but offered to drive so we could talk more. She agreed to that and we left as soon as church was over for the restaurant. We got to our table and sat down. We made small talk and ordered. We covered several of my questions and I answered some of the ones she had for me. I had the feeling it was going well. We finished, payed, and left to pick up her car. When we reached the church again, I asked what she was going to do this afternoon, and she said she had a lot of papers to grade, so I told I would see her later at church and told her to have fun. She responded with "you too" and left. I replayed the meal in my several times that day, and decided that it followed my expectations fairly close.

It was then I decided to ask her out again, so that I night at church I did. Sort of.

"Hey, Stacy," I said when she came walking up the aisle. "Get those papers done?" Stupid question. Why did I ask that?

"Hey, Chris. Yeah, I got most of them done. What did you do this afternoon," she asked.

My mind said I thought about our meal all afternoon, but I replied with, "Nothing, really. I just watched TV." So, exciting. Well, here goes everything: "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out again sometime? Today was pretty fun."

"Sure, look me up on Facebook and we'll figure something out. Gotta go now, though. Bye." She turned and walked off. I waited to see if she looked over her shoulder like girls do in the movies when they like someone. But she didn't.

That night, I sent her a friend request on Facebook, and waited for her confirmation. She confirmed it the next day and wrote on my wall: "Hey there, you found me." So I clicked "wall-to-wall" and wrote on her wall "I sure did. We are now officially friends."

I waited a day or so before mentioning our hang-out time, then I wrote on her wall, "Hey, let me know a time when you will be free and we can go get coffee or something."

It took her a while to respond, but she finally did....
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Now, this is your turn to get interactive! If you want this story to continue, I need you to leave a comment and write A, B, or C. There are three different possible outcomes from here, and it's up to you to choose. After a week, which ever has the most votes is what it will be. If it's a tie, I choose which way it will go. Sorry, but you don't get to know the possible outcomes beforehand. It makes it more fun this way! Please cast your vote!!! Thanks.

That Which Never Was (Part 3)

"I'm warning you now," my guide said softly. "This will be the hardest for you to see." The scene rewound and once again I found myself looking at a picture of young-me prior to asking Sarah to prom.

"Has any of the background changed from the previous two outcomes you have shown me?" I asked. "Am I still dating Liz, or not?"

"No," he replied, "now, watch."

The volume turned up so I could hear the conversation. "Hey, Sarah," young-me said. "What's up?" The conversation drifted into the meaningless for a while before young-me got to the point. I expected something similar to previous vision of this moment in time, but, young-me just said, "Hey, listen, I was wondering if you woulgo to prom with me? There is no one else I'd rather go with than you." Sarah nodded her head and smiled. She said that she would love to, and then the volume faded out.

The scene shifted again, but this time I was sitting with Kevin, James, and Logan at lunch one. We were discussing prom and the upcoming summer. James, Logan, and I all poked fun at Kevin trying to get him to suck it up and ask Alisha out on a date outside of prom. Kevin blushed bright red and said, "I will if Danny asks Sarah out." A collective "Ooo" went up from the rest of the guys. Kevin had called young-me out.

I listened intently to hear what young-me would say. "It depends on how prom goes. I don't know how everything will play out." All the guys started complaining about young-me's "cop-out" answer, but young-me simply shrugged and said, "It's true."

The scene changed again. I was back in front of Sarah's house, dropping her off from prom. I watched as young-me, once again, debated on kissing Sarah, and, once again, didn't. I was confused and turned to ask my guide what was going on, but he just raised his hand and the scene changed again. This time it was just after graduation. Sarah and Alicia had come to see the seniors off before our graduation celebration trip. James, Logan, Tyler, and Kevin were all on the bus and young-me was boarding when Sarah called my name. Young-me stopped and met her. The volume turned up so I could hear this conversation. Sarah told me she just wanted to say goodbye before we left, so young-me must have thought it was an appropriate time. "What are you doing tomorrow?" young-me asked.

"Nothing," Sarah answered. "Why?"

Young-me stammered over the words, but finally asked if she wanted to go on a date then. Sarah's face lit up, and a smile broke across her face. She was more excited about being asked on this date than to prom. The volume faded, but the picture didn't. Young-me must have been feeling bold, because he kissed her. Lucky for young-me, Sarah kissed back. The visible reactions from James, Logan, and Tyler were hilarious. They all looked like they were whooping and hollering and applauding young-me, but Kevin looked shell-shocked. I guess he knew that he had to live up to his end of the bargain.

The scene faded into black and I heard my guide say, "That sequence of events changed everything. You never left the state for college. You stayed in town and waited for Sarah to finish high school. These next scenes will go by fast, but they will be crystal clear. Brace yourself."

The scenes began to flick through as though they were pictures. Yet, I saw all of them perfectly. The first was of our date the next night. The second was of us at a party. The third was of us on our one-year dating anniversary, then her senior prom, then her graduation, our two-year anniversary, and going off to state university together. The last picture I saw before everything went black again was of me kneeling with a ring in my hand and her with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. I didn't need to hear or be told that I had proposed and she had said yes.

"That last one," my guide said, once we re-entered the darkness, "it would have been about a year ago. This next one would have been yesterday." I could feel myself crumble to the floor as the darkness lifted and I saw Sarah and myself getting married.

Tears flooded my eyes and I screamed, "Enough! Stop!" The picture faded and was replaced with white. I was face to face with my guide.

"I told you this would be the hardest," my guide said sadly. "As you were told at the beginning, this last outcome is no longer possible, but neither are the previous two. You will always have Sarah as a friend." The guide paused for a bit, allowing this bit of information to wash over me. "You have a choice now," he resumed. "Whichever way you choose, you wake up. One choice is to wake up with no knowledge of this night and what you have seen. The other is to wake up with full knowledge. You should know, though, that if you choose to not remember tonight, you will wake up back as a senior a week before you tell Liz you are flying back to take her to her senior prom. If you choose to remember, you will wake up tomorrow and nothing except your knowledge will have changed."

I sat down on the white floor and put my head in my hands. I ran through each of the three other outcomes I was shown. One lead to a happy ever after with Sarah, but the other two lead to a life without her at all. One thought sprang to the front of my mind, "Is it better to have loved and lost, or never loved at all?" But I already loved her. She was just like a sister, and I loved her. Could I really risk giving that up? I stood back up and looked my guide in the face and said, "Let me keep this. Sarah is too important to lose altogether. Besides, she is happy now."

As soon as I said those words, I woke up. My phone was going off. I checked my text message and saw it was from Sarah. It said, "Hey. I just wanted to say I miss you. Love you big brother." A tear rolled down my cheek as I responded: "I miss you too Sarah. Have a good day. Love you." After I sent the message, a smile crossed my face.

Yeah, this was the right choice.

(The End)
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Toodles.

That Which Never Was (part 2)

(Sorry for the change in voice, this will be easier to write in first person rather than third.)

"Danny. I will show you what could have happened, but you mustn't dwell on this. And do not linger on the thought that what you feel is still possible. That is a different matter altogether, and I will not grant that wish..."

Immediately I was intrigued. What would God show me? What did that last part mean? Would I want God to change things so that I could be with Sarah? Even as I asked myself that question I knew that's what I wanted.

The darkness of sleep lightened and I saw my high school hallways. I looked around and noticed my friends and all the other students from my time there. I then noticed a man wearing a brown jacket standing against the far wall, I walked up to him and asked, "Who are you?"

"I am your guide," he replied. "I will show you that which never was, but could have been. There are three possible outcomes from your situation with Sarah. In each scenario, you have already broken up with Liz and are moving forward." He motioned toward Sarah and my younger self talking in the hallway. "One more thing," my guide said, "do not attempt to speak with them. This is purely a eyes and ears only dream."

After he finished talking, the conversation young-me was having with Sarah hit my ears. I was telling her about me breaking up with Liz, and she was telling me how sorry she was that it happened. After that conversation ended, everything fast forwarded to the day when I asked Sarah to the prom. It started the same as when I actually asked her, but it didn't end the same way. "Sarah," young-me said after the conversation started deviating from the original path, "I know what your blogs mean. I know who they are about, for the most part, and I want you to know that I feel the same way. I like you, Sarah. Will you go to the prom with me?"

The answering smile young-me got was enough to make older-me giddy. I always liked her smile and loved to see it. Even now, it was enough to make my head spin. The picture fast forwarded to another moment. This time, it was after prom and I was telling Sarah goodnight. My gut actually tensed in the dream as I realized that young-me was wrestling with the idea of kissing her, but my younger self didn't. Confused, I looked at my guide and asked, "Why didn't I kiss her? I remember the only reason why I didn't kiss her before was because of Liz, but that problem is gone, now."

My guide smiled at me and said, "You are graduating soon. Leaving her to go back to Texas. You decided that it wouldn't work out, so why get hurt over it? Unfortunately, she wanted you to kiss her. She was hoping you would. When you didn't, she thought it was because you didn't like her anymore and your friendship suffered because of it. You never became the close friends that you are now, and she slipped out of your life completely."

I got angry then, how could I lose her friendship?! I cherished that above everything else! I turned to shout at my guide when he said, "Now, let's see what would have happened if you kissed her."

Immediately, the scene rewound and young-me stood at the point of decision once more. This time, however, young-me bent down, wrapped his arms around her waist gently and kissed her lips. In that moment, the deepest feeling of envy and jealousy washed over me. I was envious of my younger self because he kissed Sarah, and I didn't. I would never know what that felt like, while he would. Young-me and Sarah pulled back from each other and smiled. The picture froze. I looked at my guide who said, "Now, we will see what happens."

The picture fast forwarded to a point in college. I still went off to another state for school, but this time, my long distance relationship was with Sarah and not Liz. Young-me's face was scrunched up in pain and tears were flowing down my cheeks. The words of the conversation he was having on the phone with Sarah filled my ears: "I'm sorry, Danny," Sarah was crying too and it was enough to make me tear up. "I can't keep going like this. It is too hard and I don't ever get to see you. I do love you, but I can't do this." The audio faded back out and I was left standing there watching young-me's heart shatter.

I looked up at my guide with tear-filled eyes and asked, "What happens next?"

He looked back and replied, "You lose contact. Yeah, you talk every now and then, but you fall into the ex-lover stage and can never get back the friendship you had."

I looked back at the still picture of young-me broken and in pain. I had lost her friendship again. This time, I wasn't angry. I was too heart-broken for young-me to be angry. I asked, without taking my eyes off of young-me, "You said there were three possible outcomes?"

"Yes," my guide replied. "Come, I will show you the last one, but I'm warning you now. This will be the hardest one to see."

My heart sank even lower. How much worse could it get? I've already lost her twice. Dread filled my mind as the picture rewound and young-me was once again asking Sarah to the prom...

That Which Never Was (Part 1)

Danny looked down at his favorite picture. It was taken at his senior prom five years ago. He laughed as the tears filled his eyes with the memories of that amazing night. One of his closest friends won Prom King as a darkhorse entry started by his sophomore date, but whenever Danny looked at this picture, all he saw was the indecision and goofy grin he wore. He knew what he wanted, what he should have done, but all of that was pushed aside due to some sense of chivalry and respect that has haunted him since.

Right before Danny's junior year, his parents moved to another state and Danny had to go. Danny was excited about the move, but he really didn't want to leave Liz. Liz was the "One," or, so Danny thought in high school. They continued to date throughout high school, though Danny never had the chance to go back and see her. It was hard, and they had some rough times, but he really loved her. Time was coming up for prom and Danny was planning on going back and taking Liz to her prom. His parents helped and bought the plane ticket for him to go. They wanted to help him as much as they could. So, it was set. He would go back and take Liz to her prom. One day while talking to his friends at lunch, they asked him if he was going to their prom. "I don't know guys," he said. "I'm gonna be spending a lot of money taking Liz, and there really isn't anyone for me to take here."

His friends wouldn't take that as his final answer and they kept asking and, really, begging him to go. "It won't be the same without you, man," Kevin said the next day. "You really should think about going. It will be an absolute blast. Come, please." Danny looked at his friend, and thought about it. "I'll think about it, but I don't know if I'll be up for another one. I don't even like to dance," Danny replied.

Then, one day, after school, one of the groups he helped out with had a meeting. After the initial meeting, they broke up into groups to talk about planning for next year. Many of the leaders and planners were graduating, himself included, and they wanted to get a list of ideas for the next year to help ease the younger students into leadership. So Danny, Kevin, Alisha, and Sarah got in a group. Two seniors and two sophomores. Kevin liked Alisha, and we were all pretty sure Alisha liked Kevin back. We were so certain of this that we joked with him about it constantly. It never failed, in every situation, Danny, Logan, James, or Tyler made a joke about them. Kevin actually got so fed up with the jokes that he asked Alisha to prom and she, of course, said yes.

Anyways, the group was a weird matching of people, aside from the Kevin-Alisha thing. Kevin and Alisha were great friends with Sarah already, and with Danny, but Danny and Sarah didn't know each other, but they soon got to be good friends. They talked every chance they had and hung out as often as they could. Danny couldn't help but like her. Danny hadn't forgotten about Liz, though. He knew that he couldn't break up with her, she was too important to him. She was the "one." He had to put a definitive term on his relationship with Sarah. He began to look at Sarah as his little sister, and, so, that's how he defined their relationship. He would be her big brother. He decided to go to both proms, and he took Sarah as his date, knowing that would be a safe choice.

Time came for his trip back to Liz for her prom. He left, had an amazing weekend, and came home. The first person he wanted to see that Monday morning, though, was Sarah. He wanted to talk to her about her weekend, and what she did. The last few weeks before his prom went by. The whole time, he felt something changing in him, but he couldn't allow himself to have it change. He went to Liz for her prom. He did that just for her because she loved him and he wanted her to be happy. Danny couldn't bring himself to break up with her now, he was even more connected than before. So he willed his feelings into not changing, or so he thought.

The night of prom came. The whole group went together, which was good. It made the night all the better, but Danny still wanted some alone time with Sarah. When he went to pick her up, he fought the nerves the whole way. "Sarah's like my little sister. It would just be weird," Danny told himself. He parked and walked up to her front door with the corsage in his hand. He knocked on the door and, when it opened, he was blown away. Her black hair was up and curled revealing her neck, and the blue of her dress contrasted against her skin beautifully. It took a second, but finally he said, "Hey."

"Hi," Sarah said. Danny looked at her for a little bit longer, and then said, "Here, this is for you," and handed her the corsage. Sarah blushed a little and said thanks very sheepishly. "You look beautiful," Danny said. Sarah blushed again and, once again, said thanks in a sheepish voice. "I guess we should get going, Alisha and Kevin will be waiting." They left her house and met the rest of the group and went through the rest of the night. Danny and Sarah laughed with everyone else and danced when appropriate, but Danny felt a pull in his gut wanting something more.

The night passed, too quickly. It seemed like it was over far too soon. James offered to have everyone come over to his house for the "after-party" which would consist of movies and snacks until you wanted to leave. Danny hoped that Sarah would go, but her dad wouldn't let her, so he took her home to say goodnight. While standing on her doorstep, Danny felt the urge to lean down and kiss her. It pulled at his gut, willing his face to go forward, but he fought through it and decided not to. And that has been his single greatest regret.

He went through graduation and that summer being her big brother, but wanting more. He went off to college and visited Liz, and about a month later, broke up with her. He went through two more girlfriends, and fell in love with both of them, but neither one worked out. It has left him, sitting on his bed, looking at the picture of him and Sarah, wondering what could have been.

It got to be too much for him. He put the picture down and lay his down on the pillow and prayed quietly, "God, this doesn't leave me alone. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I know what might have happened, I'd be ok. Please, God, show me what might have happened." After he finished praying, Danny closed his eyes and fell asleep.

His dream started out like this: "Danny. I will show you what could have happened, but you mustn't dwell on this. And do not linger on the thought that what you feel is still possible. That is a different matter altogether, and I will not grant that wish..."